|
|
|
|
HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
 Posted - 01/23/2007 : 02:13:35
|
CBS dumps The Early Show, cashes in on neglected morning-hating demographic
New York City, January 23, 2007 (Shobiznooz) -- CBS has been the perpetual loser in the network morning television show wars since 1976. First place has been hotly contested between ABC with its "Good Morning America," and NBC with its "Today Show."
CBS's new "Morning Eye."
Whenever it wasn't actually in fourth place, The Early Show was always a dismal third in ratings. CBS tried many tricks to spruce up its show, going through name changes from "The Morning Program," to "CBS This Morning," to "This Morning." Finally, they seemed to quit trying, and just called it "The Early Show." They pulled in successive new anchors, like Mariette Hartley, Harry Smith, and Mark McEwen. They changed logos, sets, and theme music. Nothing even remotely helped.
So it's natural that as the 21st Century grinds on, CBS would be desperate to try anything that might finally make them competitive in the mornings.
That's when demographics consultant Taz DeVille steps into this story. DeVille paints a modest picture of his own skills, but over many years, he has regularly given companies simple ideas that turned their ledgers from red to black.
Said DeVille, "All I am, is a master of the obvious. I do scientific opinion surveys just like other consultants in my field, but unlike the others, I know how to ask the obvious questions."
DeVille continued, "In this case, my initial survey simply asked 10,000 people whether or not they liked mornings. Twenty-eight percent of respondents said they loved the morning, twenty-two percent were neutral about it, while a full fifty percent hated the morning with a passion that was difficult for my staff to quantify. We decided to focus upon this fifty percent.
"Next," said DeVille, "I ordered a survey of just the 5,000 morning-haters. They were asked, 'What do you hate to see on TV in the morning?' The answers were revealing, even though obvious."
DeVille's surveys showed that of the 50% of Americans who hate mornings, nearly all passionately loathe seeing any of the following on TV:
Any talk louder than a whisper or a mumble, verbal delivery more rapid than one word per second, unfamiliar people, cheery banter, fancy or neat sets, well-groomed hosts, any music, sartorial splendor, flowers, babies, puppies, kittens, happy human interest stories, and smiles.
CBS boss Leslie Moonves likes the bottom line.
Given DeVille's input, and his faultless reputation for discovering the obvious when others have overlooked it, CBS President annd CEO Leslie Moonves acted swiftly, ordering the cancellation of The Early Show, the construction of a cheap and shoddy-looking new set, and the hiring of a new crew.
The new show, provocatively named "Fuck You, America," first aired last week. It's already getting a full 50% rating, shoving both The Today Show and Good Morning America down into a scramble in the teens and low 20's for a distant second place. Actor Nick Nolte is, when he feels like it, FYA's weatherman. On the first morning, he simply glared at the weather map and said, "Well fuck today and the horse it rode in on. Stay home and go back to bed, everyone!"
Fuck You, America has no theme music, and only one camera. The hosts wear pajamas. No writers have been hired, and the only news is that sporadically mumbled by one of the hosts, reading a newspaper. Most of the three hour show is made up of throat clearing, coffee drinking, chain-smoking, occasional jokes for which the punch lines have been forgotten, monotonic bitching using obscenities, coughs, mumbled comments, farts, periods of utter silence, blank stares, and commercials.
The morning-haters of America love it.
CBS President and CEO, Leslie Moonves, is ecstatic. "We found a whole bunch of familiar Hollywood faces," said Moonves, "easy faces to identify, faces that don't challenge America's morning-haters with neatness or cheer, faces that don't say, 'I'm awake. I'm better than you.' These famous faces were dirt-cheap to hire. This show requires no expensive production values. There's no producer and no director. Certainly no make-up crew. CBS has pioneered the new reality-based morning format that will dominate morning television for a hundred years."
The hosts of CBS's new hit morning show, Fuck You, America. Left to right,
Rip Torn, Yasmine Bleeth, Carmen Electra, Cynthia Watros, Nick Nolte, and Tracy Gold.
A tip of the hat to Dave W. and his wife Liz for the wonderful story idea. I only wish the bastards had given me more time to think of it myself.
|
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
Edited by - HalfMooner on 01/23/2007 23:02:59
|
|
|
Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend
Sweden
9687 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 14:47:52 [Permalink]
|
I can definitly relate to this program.
I've always been slow out of bed.
(Guess why I enjoy working constant night-shifts at work... )
The Nick Nolte weather report made me laugh myself to tears.
|
Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
Dr. Mabuse whisper.mp3
"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse
Support American Troops in Iraq:
Send them unarmed civilians for target practice..
Collateralmurder. |
 |
|
|
HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 15:22:13 [Permalink]
|
Thanks, Mab! I relate, too, being a night-owl and all.
BTW, in the final image, all the faces I Photoshopped in came from the actors' police booking mugshots. They all looked even worse in the originals.
|
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
| Edited by - HalfMooner on 01/23/2007 15:23:54 |
|
|
|
McQ
Skeptic Friend
USA
258 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 15:25:15 [Permalink]
|
I'm hooked already. Great show. Just turn the volume down a little until I've had my second cup of coffee.
(HM, when are you going to start giving me some private Photoshop lessons?) |
Elvis didn't do no drugs!
--Penn Gillette |
|
|
|
Cuneiformist
The Imperfectionist
USA
4955 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 15:41:40 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by HalfMooner
Thanks, Mab! I relate, too, being a night-owl and all.
BTW, in the final image, all the faces I Photoshopped in came from the actors' police booking mugshots. They all looked even worse in the originals.
Except Carmen Electra, whose mug shot on theSmoking Gun-- not made up, not doctored, etc.-- looks pretty good, all things considered. I bet her mug shot looks better than most Hollywood stars when not made up!! |
|
|
|
HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 15:51:49 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by McQ
I'm hooked already. Great show. Just turn the volume down a little until I've had my second cup of coffee.
(HM, when are you going to start giving me some private Photoshop lessons?)
Thanks, McQ! I'll give two quick tips right now:
Get the Eye Candy plug-ins. Buncha neat stuff, mostly better than the filters that come with PS.
After pasting a person or object into a scene, keep it selected, then go to Layer, Layer Style, and Blending Options. Make the new layer about 50% transparent, then, using the paintbrush set to "Clear," paint over parts of the background that you want to show over the new layer. In effect, this makes stuff come to the front. Once you think you are finished, then make the new layer fully opaque again, and check for errors. Wash, rinse, repeat, as necessary. I only recently figured out this obvious tactic, BTW. It makes the work fly, and usually looks better.
I'll try to think of other techniques.
|
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
|
|
|
McQ
Skeptic Friend
USA
258 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 16:04:20 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by HalfMooner
quote:
Originally posted by McQ
I'm hooked already. Great show. Just turn the volume down a little until I've had my second cup of coffee.
(HM, when are you going to start giving me some private Photoshop lessons?)
Thanks, McQ! I'll give two quick tips right now:
Get the Eye Candy plug-ins. Buncha neat stuff, mostly better than the filters that come with PS.
After pasting a person or object into a scene, keep it selected, then go to Layer, Layer Style, and Blending Options. Make the new layer about 50% transparent, then, using the paintbrush set to "Clear," paint over parts of the background that you want to show over the new layer. In effect, this makes stuff come to the front. Once you think you are finished, then make the new layer fully opaque again, and check for errors. Wash, rinse, repeat, as necessary. I only recently figured out this obvious tactic, BTW. It makes the work fly, and usually looks better.
I'll try to think of other techniques.
Cool. Thanks, HM! By the way, is Photoshop 7 still considered ok, or has it become obsolete? That's what I've got. I don't even want to think about how much CS2 will cost! |
Elvis didn't do no drugs!
--Penn Gillette |
|
|
|
HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 16:06:38 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by Cuneiformist
quote:
Originally posted by HalfMooner
Thanks, Mab! I relate, too, being a night-owl and all.
BTW, in the final image, all the faces I Photoshopped in came from the actors' police booking mugshots. They all looked even worse in the originals.
Except Carmen Electra, whose mug shot on theSmoking Gun-- not made up, not doctored, etc.-- looks pretty good, all things considered. I bet her mug shot looks better than most Hollywood stars when not made up!!
When I as collecting the faces, I personally thought she looked a bit disheveled in the original, but certainly in my smaller version she looks perfectly good. My bad: I really shouldn't have chosen her, due to the relatively good mugshot. Now, Tom Delay, there's a guy who can make his mugshot look like a campaign poster!
|
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
|
|
|
Cuneiformist
The Imperfectionist
USA
4955 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 16:43:53 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by HalfMooner
When I as collecting the faces, I personally thought she looked a bit disheveled in the original, but certainly in my smaller version she looks perfectly good. My bad: I really shouldn't have chosen her, due to the relatively good mugshot. Now, Tom Delay, there's a guy who can make his mugshot look like a campaign poster!
Well, she does look a little disheveled-- that's true. But it is a mug shot. I don't think too many Hollywood stars would look that good in a mug shot. (Just scroll through TSG linked above and see...)
Still, she has enough of a reputation that having her in the show's line-up is a fine choice! |
|
|
|
HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 19:10:14 [Permalink]
|
I agree, most people, Hollywood stars or not, would look worse than Carmen Electra in a mug shot. That's why I keep my hair buzzed very short, so it will never look mused, wear wrinkle-resistant clothing, and constantly practice my boyish smile. One never knows when one might be featured on TSG, do one?
|
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
|
|
|
Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend
Sweden
9687 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 23:32:05 [Permalink]
|
| The thing I've discovered is that usually items imported or incorporated into a picture usually is too crisp compare to the background. The few times I've supervised my girlfriend when she's photo-shopping, I've had her blur or otherwise filter stuff. There's nothing like some jpeg artifacts in the face of the imported heads, to make the surfaces less smooth. |
Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
Dr. Mabuse whisper.mp3
"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse
Support American Troops in Iraq:
Send them unarmed civilians for target practice..
Collateralmurder. |
|
|
|
HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2007 : 23:55:55 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by Dr. Mabuse
The thing I've discovered is that usually items imported or incorporated into a picture usually is too crisp compare to the background. The few times I've supervised my girlfriend when she's photo-shopping, I've had her blur or otherwise filter stuff. There's nothing like some jpeg artifacts in the face of the imported heads, to make the surfaces less smooth.
That's very true. The textures need to match. Sometimes, this means adding random noise, as smoothed-over joins between background and pasted-in foreground can get too smooth and slick looking, compared to surrounding areas.
Also, a very careful matching of brightness, contrast, color balance, and saturation is important, and hard to get just right. Then, there's making sure object you paste in that are supposed to be near an out-of-focus object in the original image are also out of focus.
|
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
| Edited by - HalfMooner on 01/24/2007 04:16:19 |
|
|
|
HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 02/04/2007 : 06:01:36 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by McQ
quote:
Originally posted by HalfMooner
quote:
Originally posted by McQ
I'm hooked already. Great show. Just turn the volume down a little until I've had my second cup of coffee.
(HM, when are you going to start giving me some private Photoshop lessons?)
Thanks, McQ! I'll give two quick tips right now:
Get the Eye Candy plug-ins. Buncha neat stuff, mostly better than the filters that come with PS.
After pasting a person or object into a scene, keep it selected, then go to Layer, Layer Style, and Blending Options. Make the new layer about 50% transparent, then, using the paintbrush set to "Clear," paint over parts of the background that you want to show over the new layer. In effect, this makes stuff come to the front. Once you think you are finished, then make the new layer fully opaque again, and check for errors. Wash, rinse, repeat, as necessary. I only recently figured out this obvious tactic, BTW. It makes the work fly, and usually looks better.
I'll try to think of other techniques.
Cool. Thanks, HM! By the way, is Photoshop 7 still considered ok, or has it become obsolete? That's what I've got. I don't even want to think about how much CS2 will cost!
Sorry to have taken forever to even notice your question!
My daughter claims CS2 is really neat, a real breakthrough product. She tells me I should get it. I don't have it, only PS 7, so I can't speak for myself.
|
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
| Edited by - HalfMooner on 02/04/2007 06:02:42 |
|
|
|
Siberia
SFN Addict
Brazil
2322 Posts |
Posted - 02/04/2007 : 09:09:00 [Permalink]
|
quote:
Originally posted by HalfMooner
quote:
Originally posted by McQ
quote:
Originally posted by HalfMooner
quote:
Originally posted by McQ
I'm hooked already. Great show. Just turn the volume down a little until I've had my second cup of coffee.
(HM, when are you going to start giving me some private Photoshop lessons?)
Thanks, McQ! I'll give two quick tips right now:
Get the Eye Candy plug-ins. Buncha neat stuff, mostly better than the filters that come with PS.
After pasting a person or object into a scene, keep it selected, then go to Layer, Layer Style, and Blending Options. Make the new layer about 50% transparent, then, using the paintbrush set to "Clear," paint over parts of the background that you want to show over the new layer. In effect, this makes stuff come to the front. Once you think you are finished, then make the new layer fully opaque again, and check for errors. Wash, rinse, repeat, as necessary. I only recently figured out this obvious tactic, BTW. It makes the work fly, and usually looks better.
I'll try to think of other techniques.
Cool. Thanks, HM! By the way, is Photoshop 7 still considered ok, or has it become obsolete? That's what I've got. I don't even want to think about how much CS2 will cost!
Sorry to have taken forever to even notice your question!
My daughter claims CS2 is really neat, a real breakthrough product. She tells me I should get it. I don't have it, only PS 7, so I can't speak for myself.
CS2 is a killer and I long for the day I'll be able to install it in my brand-spankin'-new Windows Vista-enabled, dual core juiced, new machine... CS is good, too. Once you go CS, you won't look back at PS7. I personally don't use any third party filters - guess I'm used with Photoshop's own... |
"Why are you afraid of something you're not even sure exists?"
- The Kovenant, Via Negativa
"People who don't like their beliefs being laughed at shouldn't have such funny beliefs."
-- unknown
|
| Edited by - Siberia on 02/04/2007 09:10:18 |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
Topic Locked
