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gezzam
SFN Regular
Australia
751 Posts |
 Posted - 07/15/2002 : 13:57:05
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Oh well, we hang enough shit on them....scary thing is most of the readers of the website probably have this sort of humour go over their head. Some of those words are SOOOOOO big.....
CBN.com - Biology educators have much bemoaned the many threats to evolutionary thinking. Creationists and intelligent design advocates are busy trying to pry Darwinian hands from their current stranglehold on education. But some scientists especially worry that John Q. Public out in suburbia knows much too little about evolutionary theory in all its purported glory.
To help you ascertain the true state of your own knowledge and keep the roof from falling in on Western civilization from lack of evolutionism, we here at the CBN News Institute for Finding Yourself (IFFY) have devised the following modest queries.
1. The theory of evolution has been found to be:
a) a fact
b) a myth
c) a drink with jam and bread
d) theoretical
2. The father of modern evolution was:
a) Chuck Berry
b) Chuck Darwin
c) Chuck Roast
d) Ground Chuck
e) Chuckles the Clown
3. The forefathers of ancient evolution were:
a) Plato and Aristotle
b) Mutt and Jeff
c) Amoebas and Bacteria
d) Troilus and Cressida
e) Abbot and Costello
4. Fish evolved feet :
a) out of a need to wear Italian designer shoes
b) by the time I got to Phoenix
c) through a step-by-step process
d) by creating a lot of finfare
e) to show more good taste than Charlie the Tuna
f) out of a whimsical wish to slip on comfortable old sneakers
g) from a desire to outperform Al Gore's version of the Macarena
5. The evolutionary tree is composed of:
a) a weeping willow
b) sawdust
c) fried pork rinds
d) basketball player "Tree" Rollins' old sneakers
e) compost
f) riposte
g) Emily Post
7. Mankind will eventually progress and evolve into:
a) Britney Spears lookalikes
b) peppered moths
c) prebiological soup
d) Campbell's soup
e) personal digital assistants
6. Nuclear war would cause man to devolve into:
a) Britney Spears lookalikes
b) peppered moths
c) prebiological soup
d) Campbell's soup with MSG
e) personal digital assistants
f) the aspartame molecule
8. Some theorize life came from extraterrestrial:
a) aliens
b) space dust
c) Martians
d) Klingons
e) refrigerator magnets
f) Britney Spears lookalikes
g) cheese puffs
9. Who said that "ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny"?
a) Ontogenus and Phylogenus
b) Ernst Haeckel
c) Heckle and Jeckle
d) No one said it -- out loud at least -- it's unpronounceable
10. According to evolutionists, creationists are:
a) smarter than the average bear
b) recapitulators
c) largely poor, uneducated and easy to command
d) meaner than junkyard dogs
e) on the top of the world looking down on creation
f) Richard and Karen Carpenter lookalikes
g) The Captain and Tenille lookalikes
h) Captain Kangaroo lookalikes
i) a branch of marsupials with strong back legs
11. What group of animals provides the most convincing evidence of evolution?
a) duck-billed platypuses
b) Democratic senators
c) Republican senators
d) rock singers
e) The Rockettes
12. What human trait provides the most convincing evidence against evolution?
a) human intelligence
b) human ingenuity
c) human smarts
d) human savvy
e) human wherewithal
13. What group of living fossils is most embarrassing to evolutionary theory?
a) the coelacanth (SEE-luh-kanth) fish
b) Democratic senators
c) Republican senators
d) The Rolling Stones
14. Who said "Nothing in biology makes sense except in the light of evolution"?
a) Roman Polanski
b) Theodosius Dobzhansky
c) Modest Mussorgski
d) Alias Smith and Jones
e) Gomer Pyle, USMC
15. What was this scientist's other famous quote?
a) You meathead!
b) Yabba dabba do!
c) Golly, Sergeant Carter
d) A stitch in time takes millions of years
e) You can lead a stallion to water, but you can't figure out how he evolved
16. In the evolutionary rendition of "The Sound of Music," Darwinian playwrights Richard Dawkins and Stephen Jay Gould changed the words in the song "Favorite Things" from "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens" to ...
a) Raindrops on rotifers and vestigial organs on orchids
b) Fossils of frogs and whiskers on saber-toothed tigers
c) Footnotes on phyla and VapoRub on vipers
17. Who sang the song in the movie version?
a) The Museum of Man Barbershop Quartet (Paris)
b) Big Ned and the Neanderthals
c) Gladys Knight and the Anthropologists
d) Barry Manilow
18. The trial contesting the 1981 Arkansas legislation giving "balanced treatment to creation-science and evolution science" was presided over by:
a) Judge Reinhold
b) Judge Overton
c) Judge Judy
d) Judge Amy
19. Critics say evolution is based on a "tautology." In other words:
a) Evolution is true because evolution is true
b) Evolution uses circular reasoning
c) Biology recapitulates tautology
20. What evolutionary impetus caused prototype birds to begin flying?
a) rumors that the Wright brothers were making progress toward a solo flight
b) hunger for bananas
c) government deregulation of the airline industry
d) raising of the basketball rim to 10 feet
e) the Army's recruiting ad, "Be all that you can be!"
f) the lure of fame, fortune and the 40-hour work week
21. Carbon dating is:
a) a form of Neanderthal courtship involving gifts of overdone BBQ
b) accurate within 500,000 parts per million
c) the shortest distance between any two points
d) equal to the square root of pi squared when frequency is modulated
22. The Cambrian Explosion:
a) was a tragic natural gas accident at the Museum of Natural History
b) caused a brief interruption in the filming of the first Godzilla movie
c) is an English manufacturer of commercial fireworks in the shape of dinosaurs
23. Charles Darwin was married to:
a) his cousin
b) Mitochondrial Eve
c) Jane (after the divorce from Tarzan)
d) a ditzy Neanderthal Valley Girl
e) a Britney Spears lookalike
f) the formulatress of the English Industrial Revolution's first truly effective eye shadow remover
24. Punctuated equilibrium is ...
a) the occasion during which your editors say you must use equal numbers of commas and periods
b) the biological equivalent of physics' punctuated gravity -- when gravity mysteriously recedes for a period of time and allows the inhabitants of a planet to float off into space
c) a slow-release psychotropic drug
25. What special significance does the number 76 have for evolution? It equals the number of:
a) fossil hoaxes still accepted as valid
b) billions of years we'll have to wait to get one good example of evolution
c) trombones leading the big evolutionary parade
d) yellow ribbons tied around the old oak tree of life
e) nanoseconds until you've had enough of this quiz
Lifted from http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/commentary/totheroh_evolution_IQ.asp
[/quote]
I would rather be the offspring of two apes than be a man and afraid to face the truth.
-- Thomas Huxley quote:
Edited by - gezzam on 07/15/2002 14:04:02
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PhDreamer
SFN Regular
USA
925 Posts |
Posted - 07/15/2002 : 14:57:03 [Permalink]
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What a bunch of fucking idiots. Do they think this childishness makes them look haughty?
Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous.
-D. Hume |
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the_ignored
SFN Addict
2562 Posts |
Posted - 07/15/2002 : 16:05:30 [Permalink]
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Obviously, did you really expect a bunch of anti-science idiots to actually respect science? Mind you, everybody should be able to laugh at themselves and their own beliefs. Those that can't wind up killing non-believers. I suspect most scientists would find this amusing, and, like me, wouldn't get to offended by it.
The big point is, would the believers find it amusing if someone were to poke fun at their religion? See: http://www.infidels.org/misc/humor/index.shtml. That's the question!
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@tomic
Administrator
USA
4607 Posts |
Posted - 07/15/2002 : 17:26:53 [Permalink]
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I followed a link I found there on music and I was a bit mystified as to why some of the songs were there. I suppose everyone isn't good at interpreting lyrics but Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode is not really an atheistic song at all. It's an odd collection of songs. Some fit the idea of atheistic but some definately do not.
Ok, back to the topic!
 @tomic
Gravity, not just a good idea...it's the law! |
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gezzam
SFN Regular
Australia
751 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2002 : 06:31:49 [Permalink]
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quote:
I followed a link I found there on music and I was a bit mystified as to why some of the songs were there. I suppose everyone isn't good at interpreting lyrics but Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode is not really an atheistic song at all. It's an odd collection of songs. Some fit the idea of atheistic but some definately do not.
Ok, back to the topic!
<img src="/forum/images/Abomb1.gif" border=0>@tomic<img src="/forum/images/Abomb1.gif" border=0>
Gravity, not just a good idea...it's the law!
I wonder why the dulcet tones of "My Dying Bride" are not on there? With classic songs like "Hammer smashed face" or Necro-paedophilia" they would have to hold a place of pride in a list of Atheistic songs.
I would rather be the offspring of two apes than be a man and afraid to face the truth.
-- Thomas Huxley |
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WindupAtheist
New Member
41 Posts |
Posted - 07/18/2002 : 02:51:03 [Permalink]
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Wonder why Nine Inch Nails and Trent Reznor have separate entries....
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Topic Locked
