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 You may be a fundy atheist if....
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Robb
SFN Regular

USA
1223 Posts

Posted - 06/02/2004 :  12:26:09  Show Profile Send Robb a Private Message
http://www.tektonics.org/fundyath.html

I thought these were the best ones.

quote:
You may be a fundy atheist if....

You feel that Christians who go into atheist chat rooms are "shoving their beliefs down people's throats", and those atheists who go into Christian chat rooms are only trying to educate.

You believe that when our forefathers are framing the Constitution, they're staunch deists, but when they're beating their slaves, they're Bible-believing Christians

You are a person who absolutely believes that life came from nonlife, yet absolutely deny the possibility of anyone rising from the dead.

You have recently stuck a Darwin fish on your car in the hopes the people with the Jesus fish on theirs will be offended.

You think you arrived at your position because you are a free-thinker who rationally weighed the evidence, and then freely chose atheism over theism. YET, you also believe that your thinking and actions are nothing more than the FIXED reactions of the atoms in your brain that are governed by the Laws of Chemistry and Physics.

You're a spoiled fifteen year old boy who lives in the suburbs and you go into a chat room to declare that, "I know there is no God because no loving God would allow anyone to suffer as much as I...hold on. My cell phone's ringing."

You believe that extra drippy ice-cream is a logical proof against the existence of God, because an omniscient God would know how to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, an omnipotent God would have the ability to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, and by golly, an omnibenevolent God wouldn't want your ice-cream to be extra drippy.

You're convinced that all Christians are idiots. But when you meet the "rare" Christian who's clearly intelligent, you can only conclude that he was fooled into believing...by the idiots.

The only Commandments you know are the ones that are unconstitutional.

You can quote from the bible better than most missionaries...at least the parts where someone dies.

You use one,or more,of the following alternate spellings: GOD-"gawd" JESUS-"jeeezus" "jayzus" "jebus" "jeebers" BIBLE-"bibble" "babble" "wholly babble" "buy-bull"

When you go to bookstores, you move all the Bibles to the "fiction" section.

'Thinking for yourself' means adopting an atheist viewpoint.

You feel that prefacing your responses to Christians with the word bull$#@! somehow makes your argument a little more valid.

Last of all -- you write this website a letter which includes a rebuttal to the above listing!

Just to show you I am not taking these seriously

How to tell if you're a fundamentalist

http://www.abarnett.demon.co.uk/atheism/quiz.html

filthy
SFN Die Hard

USA
14408 Posts

Posted - 06/02/2004 :  12:56:11   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send filthy a Private Message
Oh my God, I'm an atheist!!


"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)

"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres


"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude

Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,

and Crypto-Communist!

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welshdean
Skeptic Friend

United Kingdom
172 Posts

Posted - 06/03/2004 :  15:28:27   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send welshdean a Private Message
21 'A's
Scored a 'C' on 8 & 21.

If my missus knew that I'd written that!!

Can't believe, after all this time, I'm actually a 'theist'

One of the rare times I've ever been bothered to put smileys in my post.

"Frazier is so ugly he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life."

"I am America. I am the part you won't recognize, but get used to me. Black, confident, cocky. My name, not yours. My religion, not yours. My goals, my own. Get used to me."

"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth."

---- Muhammad Ali


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filthy
SFN Die Hard

USA
14408 Posts

Posted - 06/03/2004 :  20:38:37   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send filthy a Private Message
The point is moot anyway. All of you stinking atheists are gonna get your comeuppance right here on earth in the very near future. And when you die in prison, as you so richly deserve, then God will take over and you'll wish you were back in prison!

quote:
In any case, it's important for you to report any anti-Christian behavior (whether it comes from Catholics or full-blown Atheists) to your local police department as soon as possible. Since the President of the United States doesn't even consider Atheists as citizens, and even acknowledges that they are a threat to our country, it should be no problem getting these so called "people" deported to France (The Home of Atheism). Please use the list below as a guide to spot an Atheist in your community.



Five Tips on How to Spot an Atheist

Usually Atheists are pale of skin. They spend a lot of times indoors, because they are afraid to come outside. They believe the preposterous lie that Christians are trying to kill them, when in fact, all that we really want to do is force a quick conversion or to kindly place them in a maximum security prison for their own protection from devout Christians who may try to kill them. Many Atheists will try to throw you off by spending time absorbing carcinogens in tanning beds, so it important to remember in hunting Atheists that many, if not most, have very dark skin, too. CAUTION: Do not confuse these artificially dark folks with genuine Negroes. Real Coloreds need to be watched carefully around anything of value, but do not need to be brought to the Lord, as they all unblinkingly accepted Jesus as their loving God during Biblically-sanctioned slavery.

Atheists are overweight. The stereotypes of typical Atheists are the trim, granola cruncher who jogs and plays racquetball or the vain hedonist, party-goer who worships only her full-length mirror, Recent studies have shown, however, that Atheists have become aware of these signifiers of their lack of faith. In order to blend in undetected with evangelical Christians, most Atheists now tend to be morbidly obese and will tell you, whether asked or not, that their enormous girth is the result of an undetectable thyroid condition and not the box of Little Debbie cakes they are holding.

Atheists have too many university diplomas! These folks are chock full of secular knowledge. They toss the Bible aside in favor of so-called, "research" and "theories." They spend their days studying and trying to gather facts and data to support their ridiculous scientific theories, such as evolution and gravity. Don't let it fool you, Christian Brothers and Sisters! All the secular knowledge in the world can't disprove that the reason we are all here today was because Eve got some bad advice from a talking snake! Atheists are too full of their silly "logic" to understand that only blind faith leads to sighted Truth. Why, the homo-lovers in England have already accepted that most scientists are naturally Atheists. Don't let it happen in America! Report your Biology professor – or any so-called teacher who pollutes the soul with extraneous (non-Biblical) information -- to the local authorities before he recruits your child!

Atheists Deceive! Atheists go under many different names, but they don't have the common sense to align themselves yet! Use this to your advantage in reporting them to the police! They call themselves, "humanists, agnostics, secular-humanists, moral relativists, Catholics, free-thinkers, undecided, Unitarians, and more recently, Brights." It is important to note that anyone who has a post-graduate degree or is interested in getting a post-graduate degree, is suspect! Also be warned, Wiccans , Vegans, Yogists, and readers of science fiction are either Atheists or on the road to becoming an Atheist. Our job as True Christians™ is to use this loophole of time under the current Bush Administration to get as many of these God-haters arrested as we can before they do more damage to our country than they already have.

Atheists are afraid! Even though there are as many as 300 active Atheists in the United States, we can safely assume that if recent polls are correct, most Atheists are afraid to come out and say what they don't believe. It's your job to pull it out of them. Put them on the spot. Hound them at restaurants and on cruise ships. Don't take "I'd rather not talk about religion" as a answer. Give them one last chance to save their sorry souls. Then, call the police!



http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0503/atheists.html

So put that in your hash pipe and choke on it, you liberal, hippie scum!


"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)

"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres


"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude

Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,

and Crypto-Communist!

Edited by - filthy on 06/03/2004 20:40:22
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tw101356
Skeptic Friend

USA
333 Posts

Posted - 06/03/2004 :  20:55:49   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send tw101356 a Private Message
Whew. Almost had me there. Fortunately, I move Baal-bulls to the Occult and New Age section of the bookstore.


- TW
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Dave W.
Info Junkie

USA
26009 Posts

Posted - 06/03/2004 :  20:58:40   [Permalink]  Show Profile  Visit Dave W.'s Homepage Send Dave W. a Private Message
Dammit, filthy, why don't you go back to San Francisco with the rest of the Jews?

[Paraphrased from Eric Cartman, in South Park. ]

- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too.
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Renae
SFN Regular

543 Posts

Posted - 06/05/2004 :  08:48:32   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send Renae a Private Message
I needed to laugh this morning. Thank you!

Boy, am I glad I don't eat granola... *runs and hides her yoga books*
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