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Dr Shari
Skeptic Friend
135 Posts |
 Posted - 01/03/2002 : 11:22:48
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Slater
SFN Regular
USA
1668 Posts |
Posted - 01/03/2002 : 12:33:33 [Permalink]
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Silly goose, do you really think that it's simple jealousy?
D knows that he is loosing you. And he is completely helpless to do anything about it.
This "jealousy" scene at the movies may have been inappropriate--but it has nothing to do with kids with afros.
A younger man is something understandable, something that can be defeated. Cancer is not. Evolution has "programed" we males to fight, and, if needs be, to die for our mates. D has this program but no where to direct it.
He's angry with you because you are leaving him. He's angry because he loves you.
You are a very lucky woman.
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The brain that was stolen from my laboratory was a criminal brain. Only evil will come from it. |
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Garrette
SFN Regular
USA
562 Posts |
Posted - 01/03/2002 : 12:35:16 [Permalink]
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Not knowing the details of your relationship, I could be off base, but is it possible that D is off-kilter because of the news of your condition?
He is losing you physically sooner than he would like so perhaps he wants to hoard you completely on the emotional side; any indication that all of your emotions and attentions are not his may perhaps be seen as an indication of another loss, however irrationally.
But if this behavior is consistent with behavior prior to the discovery of your condition, then this hypothesis does not hold.
Sorry you had to endure that; jealousy is a destructive emotion regardless.
My kids still love me. |
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Garrette
SFN Regular
USA
562 Posts |
Posted - 01/03/2002 : 12:35:48 [Permalink]
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Slater posted just before me. I think we agree.
My kids still love me. |
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rickm
Skeptic Friend
Canada
109 Posts |
Posted - 01/03/2002 : 12:38:24 [Permalink]
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Has he always been jealous or is this a new thing since finding out that you have a terminal disease?
If not, I am sure that the fear of loosing you is already at the forefront of his thoughts. Albeit not an excuse to fly off the handle and hold a grudge for a week. As a man often I have a hard time expressing myself emotionally, and more often than not I get them all mixed up.
As you have stated in a previous post, he wishes to not talk about the inevitable.
This seems to me as a defense against dealing with the problem at hand. Instead it is much easier to show other emotions at other trivial things. I can only go on what I know, and I find myself acting like this more often than I should.
I kid my wife all the time about her putting the moves on another guy, I joke with her about it all the time. I do not however feel threatened. I highly doubt that your husband really felt threatened by the afro toting dude in the theatre either. It most likely runs deeper that that. This is only my oppinion I do not know your husband and would not pretend to know how he feels. I am just saying that I would have probably reacted the same way given the circusmstances he is facing. I am not making excuses for him or myself, that's just the way I am.
Sometimes I think that being gay would be much easier, I would always know what he was thinking. Sex! And just think if you picked someone the same size as you you, you double your wardrobe right off the bat. Lol.
"Let me off the plane,I am no missionary, I don't even believe in Jebus..... Oh Jebus please help me." Homer J. Simpson
Edited by - rickm on 01/03/2002 13:15:41 |
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rickm
Skeptic Friend
Canada
109 Posts |
Posted - 01/03/2002 : 12:43:20 [Permalink]
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quote:
Slater posted just before me. I think we agree.
My kids still love me.
Damn! Really, I thought I was first. Just goes to show that men do know how men think!
"Let me off the plane,I am no missionary, I don't even believe in Jebus..... Oh Jebus please help me." Homer J. Simpson
Edited by - rickm on 01/03/2002 13:14:32 |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 01/03/2002 : 20:33:50 [Permalink]
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quote:
I have always thought that jelousy is ugliest of all human emotion
Never having been jealous I can't understood why anyone would. However as I was reading your words I too had the very same thoughs as the posters before me. I read them 1st before posting because it's so obivious that I knew someone would say it. So that answer has my vote too.
It's not jelousy, he's covering up other emotions by using that as an excuse.
Sorry you have to deal with that with everything else you are going through.
Maybe you could bring up what we've said and ask D to be open and honest with you and HIS own emotions.
PS. Hey, I like younger men and if my spouse knew all the times I've been with someone else, he's really the one to be more jealous then your D. LOL, see! The grass is always greener. You can tell D that too. |
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PhDreamer
SFN Regular
USA
925 Posts |
Posted - 01/03/2002 : 22:05:55 [Permalink]
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quote:
PS. Hey, I like younger men and if my spouse knew all the times I've been with someone else, he's really the one to be more jealous then your D. LOL, see! The grass is always greener. You can tell D that too.
So it's not just a clever nickname?  
Adventure? Excitement? A Jedi craves not these things. - Silent Bob |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 01/04/2002 : 00:28:31 [Permalink]
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quote:
So it's not just a clever nickname?
?
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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PhDreamer
SFN Regular
USA
925 Posts |
Posted - 01/04/2002 : 06:51:21 [Permalink]
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quote:
quote:
So it's not just a clever nickname?
?
I was thinking of other colloquial meanings of "Snake."
Adventure? Excitement? A Jedi craves not these things. - Silent Bob
Edited by - phdreamer on 01/04/2002 06:51:58 |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 01/04/2002 : 20:36:39 [Permalink]
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quote:
I was thinking of other colloquial meanings of "Snake."
You don't mean like, Snake in the grass.? Or something derogatory.
Hum!
I'll have you know the snake is one of natures most evolved creatures among other virtues. So there!
That's ok, we can still be friends.
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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James
SFN Regular
USA
754 Posts |
Posted - 01/04/2002 : 21:56:23 [Permalink]
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Snake, I think he meant something below the waist.
"Necessity may be the mother of invention, but laziness is usually the father." -Bailey's First Law |
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Snake
SFN Addict
USA
2511 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2002 : 00:34:39 [Permalink]
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quote:
Snake, I think he meant something below the waist.
PH ? Or someone, care to explain further?
I'm not too good with slang or expressions. It took me a long time to figure out what 'People who like in glass houses....' or 'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth' etc. meant. Thanks.
Sometimes being naive is better, at least you have a happier life not worrying about what people are saying about you.
ps. My x-sister used to call me the happy idiot. I really can't figure out what she meant by THAT!
Rap Crap is to music what Paint by Numbers is to art. |
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Dr Shari
Skeptic Friend
135 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2002 : 14:57:24 [Permalink]
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Thanks to all responded on my jelousy post. D has always been insecure and I will think on the best way to turn his anger at losing me and the nastiness he is displaying into a more positive dialog.
Beyond that I still find jelousy a wasted human emotion and not a display of love at all. I have seen women (and men) beaten by a person who claimed they loved them and feel that being hit is proof that another person loves them. Thats sad,
Always remember to look up at the stars. Your feet know the way home.
Dr Shari
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Donnie B.
Skeptic Friend
417 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2002 : 16:43:01 [Permalink]
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I agree with you, Dr. S, but jealousy sems to be a near-universal feeling in our culture.
Could it be a byproduct of our materialism, with its emphasis on posession and ownership? That is, do we feel jealousy because we mistakenly perceive the other person as smehow "belonging to us", and therefore under our control?
I'm reminded of the anecdotes about various native American peoples, who were baffled by the concept that the European invaders believed they could "own" the land. I wonder if those cultures had as much jealousy as ours?
-- Donnie B.
Brian: "No, no! You have to think for yourselves!" Crowd: "Yes! We have to think for ourselves!" |
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Trish
SFN Addict
USA
2102 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2002 : 17:15:06 [Permalink]
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quote:
I agree with you, Dr. S, but jealousy sems to be a near-universal feeling in our culture.
Could it be a byproduct of our materialism, with its emphasis on posession and ownership? That is, do we feel jealousy because we mistakenly perceive the other person as smehow "belonging to us", and therefore under our control?
I'm reminded of the anecdotes about various native American peoples, who were baffled by the concept that the European invaders believed they could "own" the land. I wonder if those cultures had as much jealousy as ours?
-- Donnie B.
Brian: "No, no! You have to think for yourselves!" Crowd: "Yes! We have to think for ourselves!"
Donnie brings up a lot of good questions here. But I don't think an Egalitarian society would necessarily be a foil against jealously. Though I doubt we can know that. However, one of my professors lived in S American studying one tribe of native people. There was no concern over who a child belonged to, since the moon was responsible for all pregnancies. I suppose it would have less to do with the type of society and more with that societies belief system.
There is no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. It underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've known. Sagan |
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