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SFN Die Hard

14408 Posts

Posted - 11/03/2006 :  13:37:57  Show Profile Send filthy a Private Message
This is in Humor because I think it's hilarious, albeit a bit sad.

All of you single kiddies between ages 20 and 30 had better keep your flies zipped and/or your skirts down, pants up, and your legs crossed.

'Cause the gummerment sez so
, that's why!
WASHINGTON, Oct. 31, 2006 If you're single and in your 20s, the federal government wants you to steer clear of sex.

That's the new guidance for states under the Department of Health and Human Services' $50 million Abstinence Education Program. HHS officials say it's not a requirement just another option for states to combat what they call an alarming rise in out-of-wedlock births.

A record 1.5 million babies were born to single mothers in 2004, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. More than half of them were born to women in their early 20s.

But evidently, us single, dirty, old codgers can dip our wicks as much as we like, with over 30s of course, with impunity....

The sad part is that a good sex education in high school would prevent a lot of these often unwanted births.

I mean, really, how stupid can you get? We are governed by clown college dropouts.

"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)

"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres

"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude

Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,

and Crypto-Communist!


15831 Posts

Posted - 11/03/2006 :  16:24:21   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message
Amen, Brother!

Finally, the Bush Bunch is getting their act together. Here's my take on another way this kind of clever logic can be practically applied in the future. (I will use the form of a news article.)

WASHINGTON, Apr. 1, 2007 If you're a river and you're in flood stage, the federal government wants you to turn around and head back to your source.

That's the new guidance for rivers under the Department of Homeland Security's $50 million Natural Forces Education Program. DHS officials say it's not a requirement just another option for rivers to consider in combating what they call an alarming rise of flood-waters during recent hurricane seasons.

More than 1 million cubic feet per second of water flowed from the Mississippi river system into the sea during the height of 2005's hurricane season, according to the National Center for Hydraulic Statistics. More than half of that flowed outside of legal river channels, causing much suffering.

Critics of the guidelines, such as Lotus Treehugger, president of a group whose top goal is a "society that views flooding as normal and healthy," say such statistics illustrate that most rivers are already having floods.

Treehugger's group, Advocates for Streams, argues that it's futile to try to sell flowing bodies of water on direction-reversal. She says moving human settlements is a smarter way to prevent inundations.

"This is a clear signal that they're using these resources taxpayer dollars to promote an ideological agenda," Treehugger says. "It has nothing to do with public safety."

But DHS officials say the guidelines are not new, that department's Administration for Rivers and Drainage Systems "merely informed rivers of the flexibility permitted under Federal law."

"The government's clarification published in February is not a mandate," the Administration for Rivers and Drainage Systems said in a statement prepared in response to ABC News questions. "We are unclear why Advocates for Streams suddenly believes (after two months) that rivers should be denied the flexibility to provide themselves and small creeks with the truth that flow-reversal is the only 100 percent effective way of avoiding unwanted flooding and hydraulically transmitted disasters."

The guidelines let rivers use federal grants to "identify groups" of streams between the lengths of 12 to 3,900 miles which "are most likely to flow out of their channels." After identifying the streams, targeted programs can then "support decisions to delay downstream activity until summer."

"Those who delay flooding until summer avoid out-of-stream-bed flows in both the monsoonal and hurricane months," the guidelines read. "They decrease the likelihood of imparting a hydraulically transmitted disaster. They reduce the risk of having tributaries which get backed up from the rivers they join or which grow stagnated."

"Whatever happened to conservatives that were against big government," Treehugger asks. "If this isn't a waste of taxpayer dollars, what is?"

Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.
Edited by - HalfMooner on 11/03/2006 19:24:50
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