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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
 Posted - 01/15/2007 : 06:18:45
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"Buy now! Carbon futures can only go up!" shouts former Vice President
Chicago, Illinois, January 15, 2007 (ECN) -- Former Vice President Al Gore today metamorphosed into a charismatically bullish "Carbon Bug" when he addressed a gathering of commodity investors and members of the Chicago Element Exchange this morning. The politician-turned-commodity promoter hailed Carbon as the "greatest substance in the universe."
"All life is based on Carbon!" screamed Gore. "Diamonds are 100% Carbon! Bucky Balls are Carbon! Carbon nanotubes! Paper money is mostly Carbon! DNA is loaded with Carbon! I invented Carbon! You know that pretty girl you saw last night? She's Carbon! Carbon is now as cheap as it's ever been, so now's the right time to buy! I urge every investor to consider not just buying Carbon futures, but to also physically stash away Carbon ingots! We should all hoard it! I own twenty tons, myself!"
Like a hyperventilated Southern revival preacher, or a (Microsoft CEO) Steve Ballmer on crank, a sweating Al Gore threw off his jacket and danced around the stage, yelling and gesticulating, sometimes actually howling. The performance electrified his audience. No more the infamous wooden presentation. Clearly, the Honorable Al Gore has hit his stride as a commodity promoter.
Al Gore gets pumped for Carbon.
But some savvy elemental commodity pros are having none of it. One trading advisor, Sylvester Tweedy of Ballbuster Associates, pointed out, "Look, Carbon is as close to being a 'trash' element as almost anything on earth. And it ain't going up in value. Hell, I burn the stuff in my barbecue nearly every weekend, just to grill burgers."
Another commodities trading expert, Ben Dover of the Hellspring Fund, said, "Al Gore is spouting commodity pseudo-economics. I think he's got a hidden agenda in all this. He's just worried about global warming, and is trying to use greed to trick people into sequestering Carbon so it won't contribute to greenhouse gasses. That smacks of social and environmental consciousness, which have no place in business. The consensus of the elemental commodities community recognizes that the separation of profit and ethics must remain absolute."
Still, by the end of the trading day, it appeared that Al Gore's evangelism for Carbon had an effect: The price of East Missouri Raw Carbon had gone up from .201 cents a ton to its all-time high of .323 cents a ton.
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
Edited by - HalfMooner on 01/15/2007 07:24:17
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Neurosis
SFN Regular
USA
675 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2007 : 06:39:51 [Permalink]
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| "I invented Carbon!" Genius! |
Facts! Pssh, you can prove anything even remotely true with facts.
- Homer Simpson
[God] is an infinite nothing from nowhere with less power over our universe than the secretary of agriculture.
- Prof. Frink
Lisa: Yes, but wouldn't you rather know the truth than to delude yourself for happiness?
Marge: Well... um.... [goes outside to jump on tampoline with Homer.] |
| Edited by - Neurosis on 01/15/2007 15:53:20 |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2007 : 06:43:58 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by Neurosis
"I evented Carbon!" Genius!
Thanks! I just added that. Lots of times, ideas come to me only after I've already posted.
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26021 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2007 : 10:07:31 [Permalink]
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| I can't help but be reminded of the old Barney Miller episode in which they arrest the whacky investor who convinces Harris that future wealth lies in zinc. So Harris calls his broker, and asks what zinc is going for. "20 cents, is that per ounce?" (Pause as he listens on telephone.) "Oh, per ton." (Pause for laughter.) "Why don't you go ahead and buy me a few tons of zinc, then?" |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2007 : 11:32:25 [Permalink]
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Now, that's funny, Dave.
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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