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H. Humbert
SFN Die Hard

USA
4574 Posts

Posted - 03/24/2009 :  21:39:04  Show Profile Send H. Humbert a Private Message  Reply with Quote


Name: Matthew Lesko

Approach: Wears gaudy suits covered in question marks, speaks so rapidly that flecks of spittle spray the cameraman.

Products: A pile of books that all claim to show you how to get “free money.”

The Catch: The “free money” in question actually comes from government grant and loan programs, most of which people simply will not qualify for.

Most Outrageous Claim: The government doesn't want you to know about their own programs.





Name: Vince Offer

Approach: Wears a headset and mic for no apparent reason, talks out of the side of his mouth with a Brooklyn accent.

Products: ShamWow!, Slap Chop food chopper.

The Catch: Auto supply shops have been selling similar shammies (chamois) for years and for a lot less than $19.95. Most foods need to be pre-cut before they can even fit under the small “time saving” Slap Chop food chopper.

Most Outrageous Claim: That a demonstration spliced with an obvious film edit is done in “real time.”





Name: John W. Scherer, a.k.a. the Video Professor

Approach: Talks in a droning, paternalist tone most appropriate for misbehaving 3-year-olds.

Products: A range of home-learning programs for common computer software.

The Catch: Automatically charges customers' credit cards $89.95 per month for additional lessons after the "one free disk" offer.

Most Outrageous Claim: Learning to use Excel is “fun.”





Name: Billy Mays

Approach: Constantly smiles, shout-talks, points directly at the camera.

Products: OxiClean, Awesome Auger, Mighty Putty, and more products than can be named here.

The Catch: Mighty Putty is just Bondo sold with a 200% markup. The cordless drill packaged with the Awesome Auger isn't powerful enough to drill into anything more substantial than loose sand. OxiClean is a sodium percarbonate detergent that, when mixed with water, produces regular old hydrogen peroxide, and that's what really gets out stains.

Most Outrageous Claim: That anything he sells is actually a value.





Name: Kevin Trudeau

Approach: Exudes earnest paranoia.

Products: Books detailing a series of “cures they don't want you to know about” for everything from debt to illness to weight loss.

The Catch: In October 2008, the federal government found Trudeau's claims so fraudulent that they fined him $5 million and banned from him making any more infomercials.

Most Outrageous Claim: Scientologists can cure AIDS and cancer but the unprofitable treatments have been suppressed by the FDA.


"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true." --Demosthenes

"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool." --Richard P. Feynman

"Face facts with dignity." --found inside a fortune cookie

Edited by - H. Humbert on 03/24/2009 22:59:54

Dave W.
Info Junkie

USA
25973 Posts

Posted - 03/24/2009 :  22:11:38   [Permalink]  Show Profile  Visit Dave W.'s Homepage Send Dave W. a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Excellent post!

To be fair to Vince, the "talks out of the side of his mouth" bit may be due to the stroke he suffered.

I could have sworn I read about that on Wikipedia, but my skillz are failing to bring up anything vaguely authoritative.

- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too.
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H. Humbert
SFN Die Hard

USA
4574 Posts

Posted - 03/24/2009 :  22:36:49   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send H. Humbert a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Thanks, Dave. I had a free night and thought I'd do something more productive than shout at the television whenever these bozos come on.

I'd hadn't heard Vince had a stroke, but something is going on with his face, so that makes sense. I believe that might be why he wears the headset. Sort of offsets the lopsidedness.


"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true." --Demosthenes

"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool." --Richard P. Feynman

"Face facts with dignity." --found inside a fortune cookie
Edited by - H. Humbert on 03/24/2009 22:52:38
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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 03/24/2009 :  23:22:34   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Great work! I love how you organized the items! Fully as good as any of the best stuff at, say Cracked.com. Better than my stuff, easily.


Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.
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H. Humbert
SFN Die Hard

USA
4574 Posts

Posted - 03/24/2009 :  23:49:35   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send H. Humbert a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Mooner, Cracked.com was my obvious inspiration. I'd even go so far as to admit that I totally ripped them off. But thanks for the compliment, even if I can't agree that it's better than your stuff.


"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true." --Demosthenes

"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool." --Richard P. Feynman

"Face facts with dignity." --found inside a fortune cookie
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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2009 :  00:10:31   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Originally posted by H. Humbert

Mooner, Cracked.com was my obvious inspiration. I'd even go so far as to admit that I totally ripped them off. But thanks for the compliment, even if I can't agree that it's better than your stuff.
Well, you copied their kind of format, but the content was yours. Copying the format and your content both showed good thinking. Very effective, pithy style. And it fits with SFN's "populist" image.

I hope you'll do more of these.


Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.
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Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend

Sweden
9666 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2009 :  05:05:05   [Permalink]  Show Profile  Send Dr. Mabuse an ICQ Message Send Dr. Mabuse a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I think this is Skeptillaneous Article material.

Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
Dr. Mabuse whisper.mp3

"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse

Support American Troops in Iraq:
Send them unarmed civilians for target practice..
Collateralmurder.
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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard

3192 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2009 :  05:09:32   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send BigPapaSmurf a Private Message  Reply with Quote
GRRR! Vince's "Real time" demo pisses me off so much when I see it. Get em' boys!

"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History

"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini
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Simon
SFN Regular

USA
1992 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2009 :  10:55:19   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send Simon a Private Message  Reply with Quote
That's funny.
Interesting nota I got on Skepchick on 'Headset Vince' is that he is an ex-scientologist that is now fighting the evil corporation.

Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.
Carl Sagan - 1996
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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 03/25/2009 :  11:24:34   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Originally posted by Simon

That's funny.
Interesting nota I got on Skepchick on 'Headset Vince' is that he is an ex-scientologist that is now fighting the evil corporation.
I guess that would be a different evil corporation than his own?


Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.
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H. Humbert
SFN Die Hard

USA
4574 Posts

Posted - 03/30/2009 :  13:28:39   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send H. Humbert a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Update: Vince Offer arrested for fighting off a biting prostitute. Do you think the prostitute bit into his silver tongue after buying some ShamWows, or is this just the Universe being ironic again?



"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true." --Demosthenes

"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool." --Richard P. Feynman

"Face facts with dignity." --found inside a fortune cookie
Edited by - H. Humbert on 03/30/2009 13:34:08
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Simon
SFN Regular

USA
1992 Posts

Posted - 03/30/2009 :  13:43:51   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send Simon a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Yeah, the lovely Skepchicks had a post on this surreal development.

Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.
Carl Sagan - 1996
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