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 Prayer Servers Downed by DDOS Attack
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15831 Posts

Posted - 10/20/2009 :  21:01:56  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Heaven, Office of St. Peter, 21 October 2009 (SNN) -- Servers tasked with receiving prayers were put out of service overnight by what the angelic minions of the Lord of Hosts describe as a massive distributed denial-of-service attack ("DDOS").

(In DDOS attacks, multiple computer systems are often used simultaneously to overwhelm the bandwidth of targeted servers. Systems used in the attacks may be activated by "malware" surreptitiously placed in those systems. Other DDOS attacks are sometime launched via the placement of "trojans" in the target servers. The trojans then load and run "zombie agents" that can crash or slow servers to a crawl.)

According to Archangel Michael, Chief of Heavenly IT Security, both the attacks and the outages are ongoing. "No earthly prayers have been received or processed since approximately 22:42 Greenwich Time, last evening." Asked if he knew who the attackers were, Michael told reporters, "Yes, we know. But at this time, we're not going to name the New Atheists who are behind this."

Outside the Heavenly Precinct, reaction was mixed.

At the Vatican, Pope Benedict XVI told weeping throngs gathered in St. Peter's Square, "The rise of modern secularism is responsible for this outrage, this vile severing of humanity and Christ's Church from communication with the Trinity and the Saints. We ask that all Christians mail their prayers to the Vatican so that we may attend to them as soon as it is again possible. Please enclose a processing fee equivalent to 50 for each prayer."

Leaders of other religious sects, particularly evangelicals, were also swift to direct the praying public to send the prayers via mail or email, along with free-will donations.

Atheists themselves appeared to be sharply split in their reactions to the DDOS attacks. Chris Mooney and Barbara Forrest jointly released a statement condemning the DDOS attacks as "provocative and hurtful to the billions of 'good' and rational people of faith." They warned that liberal and moderate and Christians and Jews would likely become radicalized, and even raised the specter of a terroristic 'holy war' launched by maddened Unitarians, Methodists, and Liberal Jews.

Some of the "New Atheists" had a much different reaction. PZ Myers, who operates a the hugely popular science blog, Pharyngula, posted a message saying, "It couldn't happen to a nastier bunch of deities, saints, and angels." Myers then posted a video of himself having sex with a statue of Jesus, which a supporter had torn from a crucifix and sent to him.

Author and New Atheist Christopher Hitchens said, "Whoever did this has frankly done the world a grand favor. The sooner the vile, misogynistic and genocidal sociopathic denizens of Heaven are isolated forever from the rest of the universe, the better will it be for everyone."

Daniel Dennett, a philosopher of science and another New Atheist, had a somewhat less sanguine view. "If prayers have suddenly become undeliverable and un-acted-upon, just how does that change one damned thing?"

Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.

Edited by - HalfMooner on 10/20/2009 23:09:12

Dr. Mabuse
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Posted - 10/21/2009 :  00:37:37   [Permalink]  Show Profile  Send Dr. Mabuse an ICQ Message Send Dr. Mabuse a Private Message  Reply with Quote

Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
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"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse

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Posted - 10/21/2009 :  10:18:26   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send moakley a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Originally posted by Dr. Mabuse


Yep. Sometimes I have to check the forum to be sure.

Life is good

Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned. -Anonymous
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15831 Posts

Posted - 10/21/2009 :  13:58:38   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Thanks, guys! It seems such ideas usually come to me if a flash, or not at all. This one was inspired by a post at Pharyngula about an Australian atheist web site being attacked by someone using DDOS.

Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.
Edited by - HalfMooner on 10/21/2009 14:31:34
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