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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 12/30/2009 : 17:42:51
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Actually, it's the Rude Pundit's final Fuck Off.
Part one:
12/28/2009
Our Destruction Seeds Sown: A Final "Fuck Off" to This Awful Decade (Part 1):
Wearing a natty suit with a purple shirt, the Rude Pundit spent New Year's Eve 1999 in a fading Masonic temple in downtown New Orleans among thousands of people, most of them on ecstasy, writhing to Galactic's mad funk, dancing like an ancient tribe at the edge of a cliff that they never thought would crumble. Yes, we had the potential Y2K apocalypse imprinted on our cultural consciousness, but only the paranoid took that seriously, and if the world was going to end, well, a Masonic temple wasn't a bad place to be. But, Christ, however anxiety-ridden we might have been, we were hopeful and tweaking on joy.
This year, the Rude Pundit will ring out the decade in a dilapidated blues shack in the middle of nowhere. He will be wearing a torn Obama shirt and black jeans and boots. There will be liquor-fueled, desperate dancing, like we're escaping from tumbling rocks destroying our village. We have fallen so far in ten years. Maybe it's the nature of getting older: because every decade past is one closer to death, it seems worse than the ones before.
No. Fuck that. The 2000s sucked so hard that it's created a vacuum that will end up ripping us to shreds if we don't reverse course. Today, tomorrow, and maybe Wednesday, the Rude Pundit will offer his final fuck-off's to the Aughts, a bullshit decade where, in almost every instance, we collectively allowed ourselves to become idiots. Let's start light...
Part 1: The Machines Own Us:
For every good use of the technology that now controls every aspect of our lives, there's thousands of ways it is destroying us.
1. Fuck off, cell phones. Sure, sure, in case of an emergency, blah, blah, blah. And if you are waiting on an emergency phone call, don't go to the fucking movies. You are not important enough to need to get your phone calls immediately. Here's how you know if you're important enough: Are you a doctor? Are you the President? If you answered "no" to both of those questions, you are not so important. Mostly, though, cell phones guarantee that you never have to communicate with someone you don't know. As connected as you think you are, it is actually isolating, alienating, and limiting.
2. Fuck off, texting and instant messaging. Congratulations. You're a product of a shitty education system that failed to make you understand how to put together a rational sentence or even use a comma, and now you're going to completely abandon all pretext of being able to spell, punctuate, or have a thought that can't be expressed in a series of random letters. ROFLMAO, motherfuckers. It's the destruction of language as we know it.
3. Fuck off, iPods (and their ilk). To ride on public transportation or walk city streets is to venture among soulless beings who stare at nothing with dead eyes as they listen to an unending stream of music on something that is soon going to be small enough to just be injected under your skin. One day, when the disconnect of the population is complete, we will pinpoint the invention of the iPod as the moment that we killed public engagement with the cudgel of constant entertainment.
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Part Two:
Part 2: These White Men Are Gonna Get Us All Killed:
1. Fuck off, Al Gore. If you wanted to pinpoint a single reason that this decade has sucked the hair off monkey balls, you would have to pick the moment that Al Gore decided to be a pussy and give up on the 2000 election. In what should have been a slamdunk of an election, Gore ran away from the Clinton legacy and into a tight race with an inbred Mongoloid. It's not just his stupid-ass decision to want a recount in isolated places in Florida instead of the whole state or his legal team's stupid-ass argument before an already-tilted Supreme Court. It's that if he had wanted and asked, the power was within a single Senator to stop the certification of an election he knew was fucked. It was as if Gore didn't want to inconvenience anyone at that moment, thus maintaining a Democratic pattern that exists to this day. Sure, he's done a great deal of good in "raising awareness" as a glorified spokesmodel for global warming. But do you see any major action occurring to, shit, stop global warming? You know how you could have actually accomplished some of those green goals, Al? By being fucking president.
2. Fuck off, Joe Lieberman. Thanks, Joe Lieberman, for elevating Ingrate to a level of consciousness on the way to Dick Nirvana. You were a shitty running mate, a presidential candidate whose only qualifications were a nation-sized ego and a desire to bomb the shit out of any place that winked at Israel, and a backstabbing motherfucker to the party that got you in office in the first place. You lost a legitimately fought primary challenge in 2006 and you decided it would be better to tell Democratic voters to go fuck themselves. And then, even though Barack Obama campaigned for you in that 2006 primary, you supported John McCain for President, even speaking at the Republican convention. And after Obama made sure you retained your Homeland Security chair, you decided the best way to repay him would be to fuck up his agenda and give Republicans more power than you would dare to give Democrats. The most aggravating part? You seem blissfully unaware of what a scabby cocksucker you really are.
3. Fuck off, George H. W. Bush. Goofy and disconnected a motherfucker though he may be, as shitty a president as he was, no one ever thought Bush, Sr. was stupid. But his failure to publicly call out his son for essentially wrecking the meager legacy he had left behind assured the Iraq "war" would happen. Sound harsh, expecting a father to turn on a son? Bullshit. He was the fucking president once. And he decided to put family over country. He has blood on his hands without even being in office.
4. Fuck off, Rudy Giuliani. A ghoulish, greedy bastard who should have been whipped into the streets like a rabid cur after 9/11. Instead, in the greatest non-Bush manipulation of the event, Giuliani parlayed the attack on his city into a fucking bonanza. And it seemed like every mainstream pundit went along with it: why wouldn't you want the man who presided over the degradation of his fire and police communication systems, thus leading to hundreds of potentially avoidable deaths, to be your president? Why wouldn't you trust the judgment of the man who put his emergency command center in the very building attacked once before and who recommended a sub-bouncer thug like Bernard Kerik to head up the federal department charged with securing the homeland? The final insult is that he profits mightily off the security consulting firm he runs, which is a little like John Wayne Gacy running a daycare center. |
Part Three:
Our Destruction Seeds Sown: A Final "Fuck-Off" to This Awful Decade (Part 3):
Shit, we got a lot of ground to cover here. And the Rude Pundit's running out of steam as quickly as the Aughts are ending. Let's make these fast. (Check out Part 1 and Part 2.)
Part Three:
The Extent of the Awfulness Is Clear:
1. Fuck off, Roger Ailes. After allowing George W. Bush's cousin to call the 2000 election for his relative on Fox "news," after destroying television news as we used to know it, after infecting the airwaves with the herpes sores known as Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity, not to mention E.D. Hill (remember her?) and her increasingly less-evolved blonde clones, the tumor-shaped Ailes capped the decade by foisting on us all Glenn Beck, a man who will one day lead a group of brain dead followers down to Guyana.
2. Fuck off, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The man with the smallest penis in the non-Western world, a Holocaust denier who cavalierly kills his own people, refuses to allow inspections of his nuclear facilities, and keeps his wife entombed in a head-to-toe veil. And this pussy's not even really in charge of Iran. (Note: Why not Osama bin Laden? Too obvious, but, sure, he can fuck off, too.)
3. Fuck off, Bernie Madoff. The Rude Pundit is against capital punishment, but Madoff should have been set on fire on the steps of New York Stock Exchange. (Concomitant fuck-off: Alan Greenspan, et al.)
4. Fuck off, Republicans in Congress. You spent most of the decade sucking the syphilitic cocks of Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld, turning yourselves into accessories to the crimes that have wrecked the country, and now you actually have the balls to think you're right in roadblocking even minor corrections in our self-destructive course? (Concomitant fuck-off: every pundit who supported the Iraq "war" and who mocked the idea that the housing bubble would burst.)
5. Fuck off, God, Allah, Death, or whoever or nobody. In the last ten years, you took out out just about every single living writer who influenced the Rude Pundit: Arthur Miller, Molly Ivins, Kurt Vonnegut, Richard Pryor, Hunter S. Thompson, Spaulding Gray. And then you wasted his favorite city with a combination of Hurricane Katrina and a refusal to smite the incompetent assholes who helped wreck it. Yeah, fuck you hard. |
The third link works, I just couldn't seem to get it to go hyper. Dunno why. Couldn't get Quotes to work, either.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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Edited by - filthy on 12/30/2009 17:45:18
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26020 Posts |
Posted - 12/30/2009 : 18:05:23 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by filthy
The third link works, I just couldn't seem to get it to go hyper. Dunno why. Couldn't get Quotes to work, either. |
You had an extra [quote] in there with no closer, and you were missing the equal sign within the third [url] tag. Both fixed. |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 12/30/2009 : 18:17:23 [Permalink]
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| Not a word there I don't agree with fulsomely. The Rude Pundit can write a nice polemic, he can. |
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 12/31/2009 : 04:28:28 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by Dave W.
Originally posted by filthy
The third link works, I just couldn't seem to get it to go hyper. Dunno why. Couldn't get Quotes to work, either. |
You had an extra [quote] in there with no closer, and you were missing the equal sign within the third [url] tag. Both fixed.
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Many thanks. I was very tired when I put that up and got weary of messing with it. Should'a put it off until this morning.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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The Rat
SFN Regular
Canada
1370 Posts |
Posted - 12/31/2009 : 05:25:10 [Permalink]
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I think he's holding back. Why doesn't he tell us what he really thinks?
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Bailey's second law; There is no relationship between the three virtues of intelligence, education, and wisdom.
You fiend! Never have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the Church? - The Bishop of Bath and Wells, Blackadder II
Baculum's page: http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=3947338590 |
| Edited by - The Rat on 12/31/2009 05:25:34 |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 12/31/2009 : 10:05:36 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by The Rat
I think he's holding back. Why doesn't he tell us what he really thinks?
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To do that, the esteemed Rude Pundit would probably cause a meltdown of every forum, chatroom, Twitting and Faceoff in the world. Indeed, every Internet connection extant would likely go into a permanent, vegetative state and have to be removed from life support. I fear we'll just have to take what he gives us.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26020 Posts |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 01/01/2010 : 03:20:27 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by Dave W.
I hope everyone is having a safe New Year night.
I, for one, am looking forward to 2010.
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As are we all; as are we all.
I dropped in on River Otter yesterday and we had a good visit, left early and ended up hitting the sack about 11:30. I didn't even bother with my annual midnight rifle blast this year. '00 to '09 just didn't seem worth the effort of cleaning the gun afterward.
Today, I will have a traditional dinner of hog jowl, collards and black-eyed peas, and hope that everyone's luck changes for the better.
Edit: The Irish blasphemy law goes into effect today, so it behooves us to each come up with a good blasphemy in accordance with it. I'll go first with a mild one:
There is no God and if there were, the pigfucker'd be flogged and ridden out of town on a rail for the on-going disaster it has allowed it's followers to cause, and the frauds and perversions it's churchs have committed and abetted in it's name. A-freakin'-men!
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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| Edited by - filthy on 01/01/2010 03:46:32 |
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A farewell to the wretchedest decade in memory.
