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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
 Posted - 11/02/2007 : 23:43:01
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Early mammal was a nasty little bastard
Pseudotribos robustus, one of the earliest known mammals, was a morally bankrupt, slovenly son-of-a-bitch, says paleontologist Selma Reedy.
Little rat-bastard Pseudotribos robustus was beneath contempt.
"Creationists usually deny that evolution works," said Dr. Reedy. "But in the case of Pseudotribos robustus, they are happy to make an exception. They want to assign no responsibility for this hideous little monster to their God," said Reedy. "They prefer to blame Darwin for this beast. Can't say I blame 'em."
Pseudotribos lived roughly 165 million years ago in the age of dinosaurs.
"About the best thing that can be said for this beady-eyed, yellow-toothed, mean-tempered, flea-infested monotreme varmint is that it's now extinct. I'd compare it to a particularly cruel and rabid rat, but that would be an insult to the intelligence, character, and hygiene of rodents. This animal was a butt-ugly, mangy reprobate. Pseudotribos were at once haraam to Muslims, untouchable to Hindus, ritually unclean to Jews, and had 'cooties' as far as everyone else was concerned."
Pseudotribos lived its unexamined, corrupt and wastrel life by eating feces and drinking urine, by masturbating, and by laying about doing nothing productive. Its primitive brain was only useful for inventing puns and remembering grudges. The creature felt the world owed it a living. "Pseudotribos lived in messy, debris-filled underground dens, which it shared only with cockroaches of the lowest class," said Reedy.
"Sometimes, the cockroaches would become so disgusted with pseudotribos that they'd gang up and drive it from the den. Such exiled pseudotribos often were forced to find shelter in dinosaur rectums, though these were actually cleaner quarters by pseudotribos standards."
"Reproduction was accomplished by perverted, ritualistic group sex, usually including necrophilia and cross-dressing. Male pseudotribos were irresponsible bastards that mated exclusively by means of rape. They followed this rape by smoking a primitive cigarette, then by napping, followed by desertion and bragging to their friends. Occasionally, they would happen to rape an actual female of the species, though this was a random event despite the butt-wiggling, slutty enticement of the skanky females."
According to Reedy, pseudotribos mothers produced their young by defecating their slimy eggs into maggot-infested dung heaps, then abandoning them without a glance back. "Fortunately for the squalling, naked young, the feces pile provided most of the maternal care and nourishment they required -- after all, they were only going to grow up to be pseudotribos, so nurturing hardly mattered. Normally, only one or two pseudotribos would emerge from the dung heap, having eaten all the maggots and cannibalized their siblings."
The pseudotribos was also the worst-smelling creature in the history of the planet. Even today, paleontologists will regularly puke up their guts when catching the merest whiff of the stench of a pseudotribos fossil.
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
Edited by - HalfMooner on 11/08/2007 00:14:49
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marfknox
SFN Die Hard
USA
3739 Posts |
Posted - 11/03/2007 : 08:42:02 [Permalink]
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| Another great one, Mooner. But then, I'm partial to evolution humor. |
"Too much certainty and clarity could lead to cruel intolerance" -Karen Armstrong
Check out my art store: http://www.marfknox.etsy.com
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 11/03/2007 : 08:54:00 [Permalink]
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| Thank you! |
“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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The Rat
SFN Regular
Canada
1370 Posts |
Posted - 11/07/2007 : 22:08:45 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by HalfMooner
Little rat-bastard
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Hey, who are you calling 'little'?
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Bailey's second law; There is no relationship between the three virtues of intelligence, education, and wisdom.
You fiend! Never have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the Church? - The Bishop of Bath and Wells, Blackadder II
Baculum's page: http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=3947338590 |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 11/07/2007 : 22:22:41 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by The Rat
Originally posted by HalfMooner
Little rat-bastard
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Hey, who are you calling 'little'?
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Sorry, you bastard.
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 11/08/2007 : 03:03:10 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by marfknox
Another great one, Mooner. But then, I'm partial to evolution humor.
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Evolution humor? I thought he was talking about right-wing politicians.
I guess ya never know in Moonscape.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 11/08/2007 : 10:04:06 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by filthy
Originally posted by marfknox
Another great one, Mooner. But then, I'm partial to evolution humor.
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Evolution humor? I thought he was talking about right-wing politicians.
I guess ya never know in Moonscape.
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Hell, I usually don't know, myself.
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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The first mammal was the worst mammal
