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R.Wreck
SFN Regular
USA
1191 Posts |
 Posted - 09/28/2005 : 18:24:03
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Top 10 Funny Religious Jokes
quote:
Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally naked, while a beautiful, big-breasted nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis. They were told that anyone whose bell rang when the nude model danced in front of them would not be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest.
As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground. Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell...
Then all the other bells started to ring.
And the Top 10 Offensive Religious Jokes:
quote:
What's the difference between real Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Glad to see at least some religious folks have a sense of humor.
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The foundation of morality is to . . . give up pretending to believe that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibliities of knowledge.
T. H. Huxley
The Cattle Prod of Enlightened Compassion
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GeeMack
SFN Regular
USA
1093 Posts |
Posted - 09/28/2005 : 20:20:46 [Permalink]
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Three men show up at the pearly gates at the exact same time. St. Peter says there's only room for one today, and the spot will go to the man whose death was most bizarre.
The first man said he suspected his wife was cheating, so he came home early one day to catch her. His wife was naked, but he couldn't find the other guy. Then he saw fingers holding onto the edge of the balcony. He got a hammer and started hitting the fingers. Finally the guy let go, fell, and landed in a tree. He wasn't dead, so the man ran to the kitchen, wheeled his refrigerator to the edge of the balcony, and pushed it over onto the guy in the tree. The exertion of pushing the refrigerator was just too much, so the man had a heart attack and died.
"That's pretty bizarre," said St. Peter.
The second man said he was exercising on his balcony when the railing gave way and he fell over the side. Two floors down he managed to grab onto another balcony. He said he thought he was saved until some maniac came out and started hammering on his fingers. He lost his grip and tumbled towards the ground, but fortunately a tree broke his fall. He was about to thank God for saving him when suddenly a refrigerator fell from the balcony. It knocked him from the tree and continued to the ground where it landed on him, killing him instantly.
"That's even more bizarre," said St. Peter.
The third man says, "Picture this... I'm naked, hiding in a refrigerator..."
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GeeMack
SFN Regular
USA
1093 Posts |
Posted - 09/28/2005 : 20:32:18 [Permalink]
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| The Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything." |
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Randy
SFN Regular
USA
1990 Posts |
Posted - 10/01/2005 : 15:32:17 [Permalink]
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God-Man...
http://24.9.85.115:100/Cartoons/story.gif |
"We are all connected; to each other biologically, to the earth chemically, to the rest of the universe atomically."
"So you're made of detritus [from exploded stars]. Get over it. Or better yet, celebrate it. After all, what nobler thought can one cherish than that the universe lives within us all?"
-Neil DeGrasse Tyson |
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Ricky
SFN Die Hard
USA
4907 Posts |
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26020 Posts |
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GeeMack
SFN Regular
USA
1093 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2005 : 17:21:29 [Permalink]
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It seems women got PMS even in biblical times. I heard that Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem!
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GeeMack
SFN Regular
USA
1093 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2005 : 20:53:17 [Permalink]
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Jesus dies and goes to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father. He has never met the man before and is curious to see what he looks like. He looks high and low but cannot find him.
He asks St. Peter, "Where is my father?" St. Peter says he doesn't know. He asks the archangel Gabriel, "Where is my father?" But Gabriel doesn't know, either. He asks John the Baptist, "Where is my father?" And John does not know.
So he wanders Heaven, impatiently searching. Suddenly he sees out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man is very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. "Stop!" Jesus yells. "Who are you?"
"Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son." Jesus is very curious. Could this be his father?
"Tell me of your son, old man," Jesus says.
The old man replies, "Oh, you would know him if you saw him. He has holes in his hands where the nails used to be..."
"Father!!" screams Jesus.
"Pinocchio!!" yells the old man.
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GeeMack
SFN Regular
USA
1093 Posts |
Posted - 10/14/2005 : 18:25:05 [Permalink]
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A Catholic girl and a Jewish boy from fairly liberal congregations had a wedding that was held at her church. The young man's rabbi and the girl's priest both took part in performing a sort of two faith joint ceremony.
After the service when all the guests had left the church the priest said to the rabbi, "Hey, you want to screw one of these altar boys?"
"Sure," the rabbi answers, "What do you want to screw him out of?"
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26020 Posts |
Posted - 10/14/2005 : 21:38:21 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by GeeMack
It seems women got PMS even in biblical times. I heard that Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem!
I told this joke at work, and it wound its way around the office for a few hours before it got back to me that - duh! - Mary was pregnant on that journey. Hormonal? Sure, just not PMS.
Didja hear about the first automobile mentioned in the Bible? It's when God drives Adam and Eve from the garden in his Fury.
How about the second automobile in the Bible? That's when Jesus' apostles got together in an Accord.
[Groucho]
How they all fit, I'll never know.
[/Groucho] |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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livefree
New Member
2 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2005 : 18:04:36 [Permalink]
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quote:
Originally posted by GeeMack
The Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
So the hot dog vendor gives him his hot dog and the Buddhist hands a ten dollar bill and the vendor just takes it and stands there looking at him 'till finally the Buddhist says: "Well, where's my change", and the hot dog guy tells him: "Don't you know that change must come from within?" |
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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26020 Posts |
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