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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
 Posted - 10/27/2006 : 17:12:12 [Permalink]
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An Aludran Hornswoggle walks into a bar. It seats itself on a bar stool, and says, "Barkeep, pour me a shot of pure ethylene, before things start to get crazy."
The bartender pours the drink from a super-chilled crystal decanter, and watches as the Hornswoggle quickly downs it.
"Okay," says the Hornswoggle, "Now pour me another one, before things start to get crazy."
Silently, but unable to suppress slight, involuntary pincer-flicks of curiosity, the bartender again serves the thirsty customer. Three more times, the Hornswoggle orders ethylene, each time appending the same, odd phrase to his demand.
Finally, unable to hide his curiosity, the bartender asks the Hornswoggle, "Honored patron, two questions, if you please: First, why do you use that phrase, 'before things start to get crazy'? Second, will you now please pay for your first five shots of ethylene?"
The Hornswoggle sighs, stands up, swoggles its horns erect, and replies, "Ah, now things start to get crazy."
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
| Edited by - HalfMooner on 10/28/2006 02:26:01 |
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HalfMooner
Dingaling
Philippines
15831 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2006 : 23:45:27 [Permalink]
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A Tessarian Treecrusher tromps into a bar. She looks down at a little Miran Minisculus who is perched, very still, on a bar stool. The Miran is silently and intently staring at his tall, untouched drink.
After a few minutes, the Treecrusher snatches up the Miran's drink in her huge, horny hand, and drinks it down in one gulp.
The Miran suddenly begins to weep effusively, emitting sobs, bleats, and ultrasonic whines, while tears squirt out of all five of his eyes and pool on the barroom floor.
The huge Treecrusher is touched. "Hey, little buddy, I really am sorry about stealing your drink. I was just trying to have a little fun, you know. Here, I'll buy you another. What were you drinking?"
"Oh, it's not that," sniffles the Miran. "It's just that I've been going through a very tough patch today. I overslept this morning, and when I finally got to work, I had missed a long-scheduled sales meeting with our most important client. The company lost the account, so my boss fired me. When the security bot escorted me from the building, I discovered that my aircar had been stolen. The constables told me they could not help me. So I hailed a taxi. Then when I got home, I found that I'd left my wallet in the taxi. When I entered my home, I discovered my mate doing a post-coital ritual dance with my best friend."
"That's terrible," the Treecrusher says with heartfelt sympathy. "But put your chin up. There's no way things could possibly continue to be so bad for you!"
"So I had thought," sobs the Miran. "But then just as I was working up the courage to drink all the poison I could afford to buy, you came up and snatched the glass from me!"
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“Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive. |
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