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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 11/10/2006 :  17:18:37  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message
Jerusalem, November 10 (IPA) -- An intact skeleton uncovered from an ancient Jewish cemetery near Jerusalem has been positively identified as that of Yeshua ben Yosef, a First Century rabbi.

A stone lid sealing the grave was inscribed in Aramaic with words that translate as, "Jesus of Nazareth, the anointed one, beloved son of Joseph and Mary, brother of James, husband of Mary of Magdala, who was tortured and executed by Pontius Pilatus after false accusations from the Pharisees. Yes, THAT Jesus."


The conventional wisdom.


The new paradigm.

The discovery was made public today by Dr. Arnold Trimm, Chief Archaeologist and spokesman for the Foundation for Biblical Science and History's archaeology division, which has been studying Roman era sites in Israel for the last twenty years.

"This discovery was quite a surprise to us, as you might imagine," said Trimm. "We were looking for information about the contemporaries of Jesus Christ, to help create a better understanding of the time in which He lived. We sure didn't expect to find the Savior's bones themselves. When we first read the Aramaic inscription, our initial reaction was, like, 'Oh, shit.' That still pretty much sums up our feelings."

"I first began studying archaeology in order to find evidence for my pre-existing faith," said Trimm. "From now on, I suppose I can use my skills to do real, scientific archaeology."

The grave and the skeletal remains were discovered in 1998, but were kept under wraps until complete testing could be completed, according to Trimm. Dozens of scholars from other organizations, including the Vatican, were involved in a secret, eight-year effort to either confirm or disprove the find. That testing is now complete.

After extracting mitochondrial DNA from the well-preserved skeleton's bone marrow, the team compared this genetic material with that of Jesus' known descendants, positively proving the skeleton's identity. Aramaic scholars also confirmed the authenticity of the inscription.

Initial reaction world-wide, especially from Christian leaders, has been unusually chaotic.

In Rome, Pope Benedict XVI stepped onto his balcony to address tens of thousands of Catholics who had spontaneously assembled in St. Peter's Square. "Dear bothers and sisters in... Christ, how am I going to say this? Look, people, the mortal Gott verdammte bones of Jesus have been dug up in Jerusalem. My own Vatican scientists have confirmed that it's true. The Resurrection of Christ, the vital and most central tenet of the Roman Catholic faith and Christianity in general, has been disproven."

The Pope then removed his Papal mitre, throwing it down and stomping upon it. "I have dissolved the College of Cardinals, and have instructed Vatican officials and archbishops throughout the world to begin handing over the entire wealth of the Church to secular charities. All I can say to you people is 'The show is over, now go home!' Try to be good people, and in the future, don't believe every idiotic myth someone hands you! As for me, I fucking quit!"

In the United States, televangelist Pat Robertson appeared on his 700 Club television program. In tears, he told his audience, "I am so sorry, people! Please forgive me for my bigotry, false prophecy, and horrible, horrible lies! Because, as we now know, dead old Jesus can't forgive me."



Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.

Edited by - HalfMooner on 12/31/2006 02:22:16

McQ
Skeptic Friend

USA
258 Posts

Posted - 11/10/2006 :  21:00:46   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send McQ a Private Message
Stop it! Blasphemer!


Elvis didn't do no drugs!
--Penn Gillette
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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 11/10/2006 :  22:49:12   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by McQ

Stop it! Blasphemer!



I know. I'll go to Hell for all this, but I do look forward to the fine company I expect to meet there.


Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.
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Dave W.
Info Junkie

USA
25973 Posts

Posted - 11/10/2006 :  23:28:58   [Permalink]  Show Profile  Visit Dave W.'s Homepage Send Dave W. a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by HalfMooner

Yes, THAT Jesus.
Another data point for your theory of humor: this particular reveal was way too early. Well, I suppose it depends upon your intent. I enjoy the subtle stuff, but this reveal was of sledge-hammer quality. If Mad Magazine was your goal, you probably hit it, but for me, it made the rest of the piece more of a chore to read than an enjoyable experience. I was never a big fan of Mad's large multi-page parodies for just that reason, but I was a big fan of "Spy vs. Spy."

Speaking of chores:
quote:
The discovery was made public today by Dr. Arnold Trimm, Chief Archaeologist and spokesman for an Institute for Biblical Archaeology team...
While Arnold Trimm doesn't have much of a Web presence, the Institute for Biblical Archeology is quite real. You might consider pre-Googling some of your "references" before you put "oh shit" in their mouths.

- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too.
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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 11/10/2006 :  23:40:03   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by Dave W.

quote:
Originally posted by HalfMooner

Yes, THAT Jesus.
Another data point for your theory of humor: this particular reveal was way too early. Well, I suppose it depends upon your intent. I enjoy the subtle stuff, but this reveal was of sledge-hammer quality. If Mad Magazine was your goal, you probably hit it, but for me, it made the rest of the piece more of a chore to read than an enjoyable experience. I was never a big fan of Mad's large multi-page parodies for just that reason, but I was a big fan of "Spy vs. Spy."

Speaking of chores:
quote:
The discovery was made public today by Dr. Arnold Trimm, Chief Archaeologist and spokesman for an Institute for Biblical Archaeology team...
While Arnold Trimm doesn't have much of a Web presence, the Institute for Biblical Archeology is quite real. You might consider pre-Googling some of your "references" before you put "oh shit" in their mouths.

Thanks for the feedback Dave! I may have to adjust my timing again. I admit I wrote that one and the one about the Woodar rather swiftly.

As to naming a real organization, that was NOT my intention. Just goes to show that no matter how silly a made-up organization may be, some twit's probably already created it. I'll rename it at once!


Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.
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Gorgo
SFN Die Hard

USA
5310 Posts

Posted - 11/11/2006 :  03:20:27   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send Gorgo a Private Message
Well, isn't Dave a highbrow. Don't change a thing. Us lowbrows think it's cute.

I know the rent is in arrears
The dog has not been fed in years
It's even worse than it appears
But it's alright-
Jerry Garcia
Robert Hunter



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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 11/11/2006 :  03:30:27   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by Gorgo

Well, isn't Dave a highbrow. Don't change a thing. Us lowbrows think it's cute.

Thanks, Gorgo. I have a sort of wandering brow, myself.


Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.
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Gorgo
SFN Die Hard

USA
5310 Posts

Posted - 11/11/2006 :  03:35:19   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send Gorgo a Private Message
quote:
Thanks, Gorgo. I have a sort of wandering brow, myself.


I'd see an acupuncturist for that.

I know the rent is in arrears
The dog has not been fed in years
It's even worse than it appears
But it's alright-
Jerry Garcia
Robert Hunter



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Dave W.
Info Junkie

USA
25973 Posts

Posted - 11/11/2006 :  09:29:02   [Permalink]  Show Profile  Visit Dave W.'s Homepage Send Dave W. a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by Gorgo

Well, isn't Dave a highbrow.
I also like fart jokes.

- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too.
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R.Wreck
SFN Regular

USA
1191 Posts

Posted - 11/11/2006 :  10:37:59   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send R.Wreck a Private Message
quote:
While Arnold Trimm doesn't have much of a Web presence, the Institute for Biblical Archeology is quite real. You might consider pre-Googling some of your "references" before you put "oh shit" in their mouths.


I suggest using "Biblical Archeology Team Seeking Holy Inspirational Truth" (BATSHIT).

The foundation of morality is to . . . give up pretending to believe that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibliities of knowledge.
T. H. Huxley

The Cattle Prod of Enlightened Compassion
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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 11/11/2006 :  11:28:46   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by R.Wreck

quote:
While Arnold Trimm doesn't have much of a Web presence, the Institute for Biblical Archeology is quite real. You might consider pre-Googling some of your "references" before you put "oh shit" in their mouths.


I suggest using "Biblical Archeology Team Seeking Holy Inspirational Truth" (BATSHIT).

That was far funnier, and in many ways a superior suggestion to the new name I actually used.

But some problems: Much "Biblical archaeology" really is of a fairly high standard. Even if its goal may be generally to confirm what which its practitioners already believe, they tend to do honest work along the way. Most digs aren't run by the likes of those guys who keep finding, then misplacing, Noah's Ark, and mistaking basalt for wood.

In fact, to get the final gags set up, it was necessary for my fictional archaeologists to be honest enough to refrain from covering up their discovery.



Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.
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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 11/13/2006 :  12:32:15   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by austin

Put your archaeology where your mouth is.

Welcome to SFN, austin!

Would you care to give us a few more words, please, so we can catch your meaning?


Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.
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austin
New Member

10 Posts

Posted - 11/21/2006 :  12:06:21   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send austin a Private Message
No problem.

It's all well and good to laugh and make jokes about finding Jesus' bones (actually it's not), but does this really mean anything if you can't actually produce them? You never will. So Christians are still the ones laughing.

Without any tomb or bones, this joke means nothing.

"Nietzsche is dead"
-God
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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 11/21/2006 :  12:35:22   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by austin

No problem.

It's all well and good to laugh and make jokes about finding Jesus' bones (actually it's not), but does this really mean anything if you can't actually produce them? You never will. So Christians are still the ones laughing.

Without any tomb or bones, this joke means nothing.

Lack of a sense of humor -- especially a bristling reaction to any poking of fun at one's own beliefs -- is a trait common with True Believers of all sorts, austin. Fascists, Communists, Muslims, Christians, all the "fundies" in those systems have this trait. They operate with minds that allow no deviation from what they believe. Their beliefs are "burned in" like Read Only Memory chips, soldered in place. No user upgrade is possible.

If you are going to take a boneheaded position that allows yourself no questions or critical thought, and discourages it in others, you should expect (at a minimum) to have yourself and your silly beliefs laughed at by all those with more agile minds.

Your reaction is actually both amusing and encouraging to me. I now know I hit just the right nerve with the Jesus bones joke.

Funny sidelight on this: Finding Jesus' bones would actually be an improvement for Christians, who presently have the scantest of evidence that he even existed, much less that he was resurrected.

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austin
New Member

10 Posts

Posted - 11/21/2006 :  20:16:09   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send austin a Private Message
If you knew the Truth, and people made a habit of making fun of it when you tried to explain it to them, what would your reaction be? Well, mine is what it is.

Also, if the Truth allows no "critical thought," then which should you choose? And just for the record, Christianity does not condemn critical thought, when used with a truly seeking mind. But it does hold to the Truth, and how can we comprimise that for the sake of so-called "critical thought" that contradicts?

You seem to think that my beliefs are based on what I've been taught, or what I've figured out myself, but they are neither. God has revealed himself to me, and you won't be able to understand that unless you experience it yourself. I'm not talking about an emotional or pyschological experience - those are unreliable, and they pass away. I'm talking about the hand of God in my life.

If you want to hear the voice, get your fingers out of your ears, stopl saying "la la la," and just listen. Maybe you'll hear something.

"Nietzsche is dead"
-God
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austin
New Member

10 Posts

Posted - 11/21/2006 :  20:20:19   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send austin a Private Message
Also, you know nothing of how agile my mind is. I'm tempted to brag here with my "credentials," but they don't matter much in the end. You may simply rest assured that many wise men have lived, searched, and died never knowing what I know and never understanding the things I understand, but the grace of God.

"Nietzsche is dead"
-God
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