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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 11/25/2006 :  14:58:42  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message
Sonar imaging shows wreck of Noah's Ark

Eastern Mediterranean Sea, November 25, 2006 (BP) -- A sea survey by the Pinatubo, a US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) hydrographic survey ship, has discovered the Biblical Ark of Noah, in shallow water off the southern coast of Cyprus.


File photo of NOAA's ship Pinatubo

Discovered during routine ocean floor mapping, the ancient ship measures approximately 450 feet in length, and has a beam of about 75 feet. Bones of many types of animals were found in the wreck, along with human remains. No more than two skeletons of each species of animal were found. Mitochondrial DNA analysis of the human bones indicate they were all closely related, perhaps members of one inbred family. Timbers from the Ark have been carbon dated to the time of Noah and the Biblical Flood.

No landfall

Long supposed to have made landfall on "the mountains of Ararat," it is now known that the Ark arrived nowhere near there.


Side-scan sonar image of Noah's Ark
on the Mediterranean seabed

Golden pantheon

Dr. Arnold Trimm, formerly Chief Archaeologist for the Foundation for Biblical Science and History, was hired to help evaluate artifacts and bones brought up from the Ark. "For me, it's been just one damned thing after another," Trimm sighed. "First I find the bones of Jesus, and now I'm helping with a project that has discovered that Noah's Ark sank. And just look at all these golden idols we found. We found a whole pantheon of 'em in the wreck. So much for Noah's monotheism. One of these golden monstrosities probably represents Yahweh. Who knows? Who cares?"


One of the golden idols
recovered from the Ark

Shoddy contruction

George Lancaster, a forensic marine engineer assigned to the project, said, "It appears that the Ark began to experience seaworthiness problems soon after it was launched. It had no masts, sails, oars, rudder or other steering mechanism. There was no sign of any caulking used between its hull planks, so it must have leaked like a sieve. This vessel appears to have been built by people with little or no woodworking skill, and no concept at all of shipbuilding. Some clueless shepherd must have been the low bidder on the contact. And who the Hell would choose gopher wood for building a ship? The Ark was structurally unsound, and probably began to sink within days of its launching. But what would one expect from Stone Age desert nomads trying to build a ship?"


Diver investigates Ark shipwreck

The sinking

The Ark's end probably came when its animal cargo panicked. Said Lancaster, "There was no sign that the animals were separated in any way, but were simply allowed to roam together in a huge mass, including predators, in the hold of the ship. From damage to the wooden structure and from the location of animal remains, it appears that many large quadrupeds, including elephants, Cape buffaloes, hippos, and rhinos, stampeded toward the bow of the ship, causing the hull in that area to break up. The Ark then appears to have gone down with all hands and cargo within minutes.

"What a clusterfuck."


Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.

Edited by - HalfMooner on 11/25/2006 19:38:03

Dr. Mabuse
Septic Fiend

Sweden
9682 Posts

Posted - 11/25/2006 :  17:26:05   [Permalink]  Show Profile  Send Dr. Mabuse an ICQ Message Send Dr. Mabuse a Private Message


LMFAO!

This one is GREAT!

Dr. Mabuse - "When the going gets tough, the tough get Duct-tape..."
Dr. Mabuse whisper.mp3

"Equivocation is not just a job, for a creationist it's a way of life..." Dr. Mabuse

Support American Troops in Iraq:
Send them unarmed civilians for target practice..
Collateralmurder.
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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 11/25/2006 :  17:27:49   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by Dr. Mabuse



LMFAO!

This one is GREAT!

Thanks, Mab!


Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.
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beskeptigal
SFN Die Hard

USA
3834 Posts

Posted - 11/25/2006 :  19:39:05   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send beskeptigal a Private Message
Did you write this yourself? Have you submitted any works to the Onion? You should!
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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 11/25/2006 :  19:44:26   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message
quote:
Originally posted by beskeptigal

Did you write this yourself? Have you submitted any works to the Onion? You should!

Yes I wrote it, and no I haven't submitted material to them. And thank you for the implied comparison; they are indeed an inspiration (though I was doing news parodies when I was on my high school newspaper staff in 1963). I'm afraid The Onion doesn't take outside submissions, otherwise I would indeed submit some stories.

Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.
Edited by - HalfMooner on 11/25/2006 20:05:13
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