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Dave W.
Info Junkie
USA
26020 Posts |
 Posted - 07/18/2008 : 14:27:43 [Permalink]
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Originally posted by bngbuck
Dave has previously argued on these pages that Evangelical Christian conviction does not necessarily inversely correlate with intelligence, but my gut tells me something is going on when, de facto most of the Christian Crazies in the US are located in the South! |
Most of the Protestant Christian crazies are in the South. Most of the Catholic and Orthodox Christian crazies are in the North.
As should be obvious to everyone, the difference in location of sectarian crazies is based on how they serve lunch. The after-service potluck lunch is a Biblical tradition. Since many Catholic churches are built with adjoining graveyards, it is too depressing to have the potluck outside, and so it is held in the basement of the church. Protestants, with no such church/graveyard tradition, are free to have their lunch out in the sunshine. Basements, as we all know, are prohibitively expensive if the freeze line is shallow - like it is in the South - but a matter of course for buildings where the freeze line is deep - like in the North. Thus, in the continental United States, is there a positive causal correlation between per-capita Catholicism and the regional prevalence of basements. The fact that Protestants and Catholics don't get along explains the causal inverse correlation between per-capita Protestantism and basementism. |
- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too. |
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bngbuck
SFN Addict
USA
2437 Posts |
Posted - 07/18/2008 : 18:39:17 [Permalink]
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Dave.....
My God, (or your's if you like), what do the poor, persecuted minority Catholics in Mississippi do at lunch? Eat off the tombstones? Hand out baskets of untransubstantiated crackers and pass the cheezwhiz down the pews? The poor fuckers obviously don't have the money they used to get from the Vatican due to all the lawsuits, so they can't dig expensive basements for their cathedral's lunchrooms!
Inevitably, Catholicism south of the Mason-Dixon line will disappear completely because of mass starvation of the species (probably undoubtedly a good thing!) Now, how can we encourage more nutcase Southern Baptists to plant their dead parishioners next to the church, a practice that will quickly lead to their extinction by the same inexorable logic that vanquished the Papists?
After successfully solving that problem, we can turn our attention to the Northern Catholics happily lunching in their basements (flooding?, sewer gas?, giant rats?....?) and finally the far less troublesome, but nonetheless necessary-to-exterminate Northern Protestants---we must find some way to get all of them way down below that deep freeze line!
The Four Horsemen Institute (DDH&H) should post a prize for the most ingenious solutions to these problems. Hell, I'd work on it without a prize incentive! |
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Why Canadians are More Intelligent than Americans
