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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard

3192 Posts

Posted - 05/22/2009 :  06:36:33  Show Profile Send BigPapaSmurf a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Amazon.com three wolf moon t-shirt

Don't you dare move this to the humor section! This is dead serious...

This is the best selling shirt on Amazon, and for good reason, it can prevent wars and impregnate virgins...

My favorite review is the one about the Ninjas and the Large Hadron Collider.

"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History

"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini

Gorgo
SFN Die Hard

USA
5310 Posts

Posted - 05/22/2009 :  06:50:26   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send Gorgo a Private Message  Reply with Quote
When I get the shirt, maybe I'll have the words to describe how I feel. This is the highest of art.

I know the rent is in arrears
The dog has not been fed in years
It's even worse than it appears
But it's alright-
Jerry Garcia
Robert Hunter



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astropin
SFN Regular

USA
970 Posts

Posted - 05/22/2009 :  09:39:17   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send astropin a Private Message  Reply with Quote
some of the reviews are just classic.

"Every night, for the past 6 weeks, I have been visited by 3 wolf sprirts. And every night, they bestow upon me endless amounts of knowledge and offerings of imitation crab meat."

"The wolves spoke to me in a language all their own; it was like German, Mongol, and Bitchin all mixed together."

"The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt gave me a +10 resistance to energy attacks, +8 Strength, and added 30 feet to my normal leap."

"As an interesting side-bar, when I wear this T-shirt I do have the ability to fly through the air which leads me to believe there may have been a mistake at the warehouse. I'm guessing that there is some poor soul out there with a "three eagles and the sun" T-shirt who is equally as dissatisfied as he howls at the moon and gnaws on freshly killed fawn."

"One wolf howling at the moon T-shirt? Good.

Two wolves howling at the moon T-shirt? Great.

THREE wolves howling at the moon T-shirt? OMFG!!! "


I would rather face a cold reality than delude myself with comforting fantasies.

You are free to believe what you want to believe and I am free to ridicule you for it.

Atheism:
The result of an unbiased and rational search for the truth.

Infinitus est numerus stultorum
Edited by - astropin on 05/22/2009 09:42:46
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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard

3192 Posts

Posted - 05/22/2009 :  10:50:38   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send BigPapaSmurf a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I can't decide if sending Obama one of these would be good for the country or cause the end times to come about...too risky I guess.

"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History

"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini
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Dave W.
Info Junkie

USA
26004 Posts

Posted - 05/22/2009 :  11:32:37   [Permalink]  Show Profile  Visit Dave W.'s Homepage Send Dave W. a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I think it's funny that the first two reviews (chronologically) were apparently serious.

- Dave W. (Private Msg, EMail)
Evidently, I rock!
Why not question something for a change?
Visit Dave's Psoriasis Info, too.
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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard

3192 Posts

Posted - 05/22/2009 :  11:56:19   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send BigPapaSmurf a Private Message  Reply with Quote
It seems this started with the Tuscan Whole Milk Reviews

He always brought home milk on Friday.

After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.

Then there was that Friday, the terrible Friday that would ruin every Friday for the rest of my life. The door opened, but there was no bouyant greeting - no cold jug against the back of my arm. There was no Tuscan Whole Milk in his right hand, nor his left. There came no kiss. I watched as he sat down in a kitchen chair to remove his shoes. He wore no fatigue, but also no smile. I didn't speak, but turned back to the beans I had been stirring. I stirred until most of their little shrivelled skins floated to the surface of the cloudy water. Something was wrong, but it was vague wrongness that no amount of hard thought could give shape to.

Over dinner that night I casually inserted,"What happened to the milk?"
"Oh,"he smiled sheepishly, glancing aside,"I guess I forgot today."

That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That's when I knew it was over. Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I've gone soy.


Edit: The Milk reviews are much better than the shirt, they went all out like this guy...now THIS is a review for milk...
detailed analysis of composition and structure, August 16, 2006
By Emre Yucel "Amoeba" (Cincinnati, OH) - See all my reviews


Approximate composition:
* 87.3% water
* 3.9 % milkfat
* 8.8% solids-not-fat:
o protein 3.25% (3/4 casein)
o lactose 4.6%
o minerals 0.65% - Ca, P, citrate, Mg, K, Na, Zn, Cl, Fe, Cu, sulfate, bicarbonate, many others
o acids 0.18% - citrate, formate, acetate, lactate, oxalate
o enzymes - peroxidase, catalase, phosphatase, lipase
o gases - oxygen, nitrogen
o vitamins - A, C, D, thiamine, riboflavin, others

The physical properties of the milkfat:
* density at 20 C is 915 kg m(-3)*
* refractive index (589 nm) is 1.462 which decreases with increasing temperature
* solubility of water in fat is 0.14% (w/w) at 20 C and increases with increasing temperature
* thermal conductivity is about 0.17 J m(-1) s(-1) K(-1) at 20 C
* specific heat at 40 C is about 2.1kJ kg(-1) K(-1)
* electrical conductivity is <10(-12) ohm(-1) cm(-1)
* dielectric constant is about 3.1

The concentration of proteins:
Total Protein 33g/l (100%)
Total Caseins 26g/l (79.5%)
alpha s1 10g/l (30.6%)
alpha s2 2.6g/l (8.0%)
beta 9.3g/l (28.4%)
kappa 3.3g/l (10.1%)
Total Whey Proteins 6.3g/l (19.3%)
alpha lactalbumin 1.2g/l (3.7)
beta lactoglobulin 3.2g/l (9.8%)
BSA 1.2g/l
Immunoglobulins 0.7g/l (2.1%)
Proteose peptone 0.8g/l (2.4%)

The vitamin content per liter:
A 400 (ug RE)
D 40 (IU)
E 1000 (ug)
K 50 (ug)
B1 450 (ug)
B2 1750 (ug)
Niacin 900 (ug)
B6 500 (ug)
Pantothenic acid 3500 (ug)
Biotin 35 (ug)
Folic acid 55 (ug)
B12 4.5 (ug)
C 20 (mg)

The mineral content per liter:
Sodium 460 (mg)
Potassium 1400 (mg)
Chloride 980 (mg)
Calcium 1130 (mg)
Magnesium 90 (mg)
Phosphorus 920 (mg)
Iron 420 (ug)
Zinc 3410 (ug)
Copper 230 (ug)
Manganese 31 (ug)
Iodine 260 (ug)
Fluoride 110 (ug)
Selenium 14 (ug)
Cobalt 0.8 (ug)
Chromium 9 (ug)
Molybdenum 23 (ug)
Nickel 12 (ug)
Silicon 1200 (ug)
Vanadium 13 (ug)
Tin 60 (ug)
Arsenic 23 (ug)


The density is 1030 kg m^-3 at 20 C.
This milk exhibits Newtonian behavior, in which the viscosity is independent of the rate of shear.
The freezing point is about -0.52 C.
The pH at 25 C is 6.6.
The refractive index is 1.34.
Edited by - BigPapaSmurf on 05/22/2009 12:04:43
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BigPapaSmurf
SFN Die Hard

3192 Posts

Posted - 05/22/2009 :  12:14:30   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send BigPapaSmurf a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Ok I gotta quit reading these my face hurts. MUDders will enjoy this one...
Tuscan Milk is a CONTAINER and weighs 7 Pounds 6 Ounces, August 3, 2006
By devicehigh - See all my reviews

I purchased Tuscan Milk for only 2.59 after casting Level 3 Haggle. It is a container full of milk and weighs 7 pounds 6 ounces.
After drinking the milk, not only was my Thirst completely rejuvenated and my Hunger decreased by 2 points, my prime stats were temporarily increased as follows:

+25 CON +12 DEX +18 STR +2 MAG for +6 Hours
+10 Hitroll +12 Damroll for +12 Hours

But the best part was that after drinking the milk, the empty container can be wielded as a weapon!

Tuscan Milk is a Mace/Blunt Object and can be referred to as "MILK TUSCAN JUG"
Damage: 10d6
To Hit: +68%
STR +2 DEX +2 CHA +2

I would definitely recommend Tuscan Milk to other adventurers. Please note that the effects described above are for me, a Level 43 Elf Cleric, and other races/classes may be affected diferently. Milk is not advised for Orcs.

"...things I have neither seen nor experienced nor heard tell of from anybody else; things, what is more, that do not in fact exist and could not ever exist at all. So my readers must not believe a word I say." -Lucian on his book True History

"...They accept such things on faith alone, without any evidence. So if a fraudulent and cunning person who knows how to take advantage of a situation comes among them, he can make himself rich in a short time." -Lucian critical of early Christians c.166 AD From his book, De Morte Peregrini
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HalfMooner
Dingaling

Philippines
15831 Posts

Posted - 05/23/2009 :  22:07:05   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send HalfMooner a Private Message  Reply with Quote
This is wonderful writing! I hope a new literary tradition has birthed.


Biology is just physics that has begun to smell bad.” —HalfMooner
Here's a link to Moonscape News, and one to its Archive.
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