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 Is there a lawyer in the hosue?
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SFN Die Hard

14408 Posts

Posted - 08/20/2009 :  15:58:30  Show Profile Send filthy a Private Message  Reply with Quote
As we know, ICR is in the process of suing the Texas Higher Education Coordinating Board for not authorizing them to award their silly "Master of Science" degrees. They submitted one complaint that was some 67 single-spaced pages long with no less than 86 footnotes. Friends, there ain't a judge this side of the alleged Pearly Gates that will suffer through that much confused crap, so it got tossed, rightly so, and they got told to write it all over again.

Well, learning at least a little from their initial mistake, they sat down and hacked out a new, much shorter complaint. Unfortunately, it is little more coherent than the original, and I won't further spoil the story for you.
You'll recall that the Institute for Creation Research—the creationist outfit that purports to award advanced degrees in the sciences—has filed a lawsuit against the Texas Higher Education Coordinating Board, objecting against its decision not to authorize the ICR's granting of degrees. As I observed earlier, the original complaint in the case was 67 single-spaced pages long, and included 86 footnotes, including one that took up an entire page. It was a masterpiece of how not to write a complaint.

Well, the federal court didn't take lightly to that, and ordered the ICR to file an amended complaint that complies with the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure, and the ICR has now done so. The new complaint is 20 double-spaced pages…but it is 20 pages of non-stop, thigh-slapping hilarity. It contains language that appears to be randomly cobbled together through some sort of Lawyer Phrase Generator, and which I defy any member of the bar to explain in sensible terms: “There are still 2 state statutes that are potentially dispositive (in a manner favorable to the [ICR]) as to issues of ‘first impression', so this Court needs to make some Erie v. Thompkins guesses thereon.” What the hell does that even mean?

Enjoy. This holds promise to keep us amused for quite a while.

"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)

"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres

"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude

Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,

and Crypto-Communist!

SFN Regular

1992 Posts

Posted - 08/20/2009 :  16:14:21   [Permalink]  Show Profile Send Simon a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Ho... I read some lawyer's post about the first one and found it very amusing, surprising for such a normally dry subject.
Hopefully, this one will bring similar hilarity!

Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.
Carl Sagan - 1996
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