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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
 Posted - 03/17/2011 : 10:53:15
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God Damn Texas!
The Minnesota Anti-Texan Act of 2011
Category: Equality • Ethics
Posted on: March 17, 2011 8:26 AM, by PZ Myers
I would like to propose a new law for consideration by our legislature, which I am calling The Minnesota Anti-Texan Act of 2011. I need to work on the formal language for it, but I can give the gist of it here.
If any person within the boundaries of the fine state of Minnesota exhibits any of the signifiers of a Texas origin — wearing a cowboy hat, for instance, or Big Hair, or having a drawl, or chewing tobacco — you can shoot them. You catch someone listening to Clint Black on the radio, bang, blow them away, you've got a justifiable defense. Someone says "sheeeeeee-it" instead of "uff-da," you've got cause: kill them on the spot. It's perfectly fair to hang out at the airport waiting for incoming flights from Houston, and following visitors outside the terminal to group hunts, too; it might even be a new source of revenue for local guides.
To be fair, after the bill is passed I support a waiting period of one year before it's implemented, so that there's time to spread the news and give Texans warning. They will be allowed to enter the state, as long as they respect our traditions: no leather clothing, just layers. The only hats allowed are stocking caps or tuques. They should study the movie Fargo to learn the lingo, and listening to lots of Prairie Home Companion will help them understand the local mores. We're not so much against Texans as we are against blatant Texans, and as long as they show appropriate shame for their nature, and try hard to cover up, we'll do our best to tolerate them.
Wait, you may be thinking, this isn't justice: a death sentence for wearing the wrong kind of headware? No one deserves to suffer for trivial fashion choices, or because a bunch of yankees have prejudices about who someone is. But I think it's only right that if someone takes pride in being a dumb cracker, and inflames our senses by flaunting their inherent Texish character, then they deserve what's coming to them.
And we're just following Texas' lead.
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While I take mild exception to the tobbacco-chewing and drawling parts, which is none of anyone's business except my own, this is right on. Some people should have been strangled at birth and TX seems to have more than their share of them. And I will include this skank, who isn't actually fom Texas but would fit right in.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist! 
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bngbuck
SFN Addict
USA
2437 Posts |
Posted - 03/17/2011 : 13:40:03 [Permalink]
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Filthy.....
I'm wondering how to identify the folks from Arizona, Kansas, Idaho, and Iowa. Not Wyoming because the state is not yet populated.
So far I've come up with:
Arizona---full body redneck rash
Kansas---obvious microcephalia
Idaho----shape, appearance, couch identity, and cognition of a potato
Iowa-----invisibility
Bill Buck
Coeur d'Alene, Idaho |
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alienist
Skeptic Friend
USA
210 Posts |
 Posted - 03/17/2011 : 19:33:53 [Permalink]
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| There are actually a lot of transplants in the Houston area (people moving from other parts of the country). My brother is one of them so hopefully he contributes some sanity to the state. Although he and his wife have gotten caught up in demonizing Hispanic immigrants. He has forgotten that our Italian and Irish ancestors were vilified when they came to the US. |
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well! - Joe Ancis |
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filthy
SFN Die Hard
USA
14408 Posts |
Posted - 03/18/2011 : 03:54:42 [Permalink]
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Of the claims that never fail to astound me is the one that the rape victim "brought it on herself." Gang rape of a child is something that I have difficulty understanding at all. Happily, these noble examples of Texas trash have been apprehended and will face whatever justice the courts will hand out. The attitudes apparently prevalent about this case don't make me optimistic that they'll land in a supermax where they belong, but we can hope.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)
"If only we could impeach on the basis of criminal stupidity, 90% of the Rethuglicans and half of the Democrats would be thrown out of office." ~~ P.Z. Myres
"The default position of human nature is to punch the other guy in the face and take his stuff." ~~ Dude
Brother Boot Knife of Warm Humanitarianism,
and Crypto-Communist!
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I entirely agree!
